


Safelights in the Darkroom

by hailynx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Consensual, Horrible People, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Profanity, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:58:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailynx/pseuds/hailynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Year after year, something gets left behind. The first had been half a heartbeat. After that, the set of twin mugs joined the collection and then there were some old negatives scattered on top. This year...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own EXO.  
> Please do not translate or repost/reupload.  
>  **Notes on reading:**  
>  1\. Read Safelights in the Darkroom as a one-shot and ignore the extra for the “open ending”.  
> 2\. Proceed to the extra/chapter two, if you want a more “light-hearted ending”. (Note: This will undo the angst feels of the one-shot. The extent will vary for each reader.)

Yifan’s time with Yixing is a little warped but he thinks that it equates to roughly five and a half years. Yixing will say six and a half, but that’s just a matter of perception. They have had a lot of ups and downs, but they have managed to sort through all that to bring them here today. Whether it is five or six, it is a long time regardless. The days and nights are filled with memories, both good and bad. It’s something that has tied them together to make them who they are. Besides the fact that Yixing is forgetful, Yifan is a little lost as to what they should be counting. They just came to be, so they have a rough estimate but no set dates besides their upcoming wedding. Everything for that is pretty much set, except for the photographer.

 

In their living room, Yixing’s gaze lingers on the photographs that sit on their shelves in wonder and amusement. All three of photographs, carefully framed, are sitting side by side, just as they are in those frames. They are photos taken from their friends’ wedding, namely, Luhan and Minseok. It’s been approximately two years since and Yixing looks at them every day, without tiring of them.

 

“If you really want the same photographer, let’s give them a call.”

 

Yixing nods with his eyes fixated on the photographs. The three have become his most favourite set ever since they’ve joined the collection. They are photographs with a simple style, minimal contrasting and simple editing. There are just some enhancements here and there but the focus seems to be perfect. Yixing likes the feel that they give off; it’s sweet and soft—just like the atmosphere had been for Luhan and Minseok’s wedding.

 

Yifan is certain that Minseok and Luhan will remember and if not, he’s sure that they have their wedding planner lying around somewhere. It’s something that the sentimental Luhan will not get rid of. Yifan doesn’t really have a preference for photography since he is around it all the time, but whatever makes Yixing happy will make him happy. Besides, Yifan is sure that they can find some level of comfort if they end up working with someone whose style they already know and have a liking to. It will also be nice to work with someone their friends have grown comfortable with because getting their message across will be much easier.

 

“Then, let’s give them a call tomorrow,” Yifan suggests, pressing a warm cup of hot chocolate into Yixing’s hands.

 

Yixing nods warmly, eyes lighting up as he sips on the warm chocolate made by the one and only Yifan. It’s a little late for Minseok and Luhan, so they settle to call the next day. Shuffling aside, Yixing makes some space on the sofa for his fiancé and fixes his eyes back onto the television. It is just another warm and cosy Saturday movie night.

 

* * *

Yixing leaves it up to Yifan to call Minseok as he wanders their living room. Minseok is bright at first, greeting with Luhan’s voice echoing in the background, but as soon as Yifan brings up the photographer from their wedding, Minseok starts to sound confused. It’s almost as if he doesn’t remember, but Yifan points him in the direction of the photographs that lay scattered in Minseok’s home and the older man laughs into the receiver. Yifan waits it out for a while but can hear Minseok shuffling with a shake of his head again. Luhan’s voice is still, echoing cheerily in the background. The contrast in their behaviour has him a little confused.

 

“Are you busy?” Yifan repeats, a little disappointed.

 

Yifan waits around but Minseok is shuffling around messily and he can hear things crashing in the background. The line becomes a little fuzzy and Yifan is calling out to his friend but there is no answer. He turns to Yixing with a little frown on his lips but his lover is beaming brightly, with the frame turned around and pointing his index finger at the watermark on the back of the photograph.

 

“There’s a company name here! If we call them up, we’ll be alright.”

 

Yifan puts the phone back down and comes to join Yixing at their shelf. He studies the watermark at the back and makes out a company name. There’s no number and only a website printed underneath. That’s better than nothing, so they settle on it. Yixing rushes to bring the laptop over and they put the company name through google search together. It seems odd that the company that comes up is Korean, but Yifan, with amazing language skills, trudges through it and finds a number. Yifan wonders why Minseok and Luhan had bothered hiring a company from another country but keeps the question to himself. Perhaps, the company caters to all sorts of events and locations.

 

“Aren’t we lucky we have overseas calling fees counted in the landline?” Yixing grins.

 

Yifan nods and for once, is truly, truly grateful that they do. It will save them calling costs, if they end up having a long conversation. Returning to the landline with the number printed on a post-it note, Yifan gives the company a call. If he’s got his time right, it shouldn’t be too early or too late, but Yifan can never really be sure. It’s worth giving it a go anyway. If the company is not yet open for business, he’s sure he’ll get a reference to call back at another time.

 

The ringing begins and there’s a voice telling him that they will now connect the call. As with all international calls, there is music playing in the background. The music plays for a short while before the line connects and a Korean voice takes Yifan away. It’s been a very, very long time since he’s used the language and even longer since he’s heard it in such fluency.

 

He explains their request gently and is returned an answer of rejection with the same amount of gentleness. The company has no intentions of travelling so far just for a small wedding event. He hasn’t yet relayed the message to Yixing, but when he sees the hopeful expression that is accompanied by the dimple on Yixing’s right, he realises that he cannot give up so easily.

 

“But I’ve clearly got your company photographs for a wedding over here,” he rubs his temple to bring the year back. “Approximately two years ago. The clients were Luhan and Kim Minseok.”

 

There is a smashing of keys on the line and he can hear the man humming in disappointment. However, before he allows that thought to finish processing, Yifan provides all the information that comes to mind. At last, that’s when something seems to click and the man exclaims cheerily over the line. Yifan quickly scratches for a pen and paper before scribbling down a number.

 

“And this is…?” Yifan speaks slowly, “The photographer? Great, that’s great. Thank you.”

 

They end the conversation on a positive note and Yifan realises that he hadn’t gotten a name. All he knows is, that the photographer that they are looking for, had been working at the studio on casual terms. They still have an old number but they’re not certain if it will connect to the right person. He hopes that he will get through, because they have made several phone calls already and Yixing doesn’t look as hopeful anymore.

 

“I’ve got the photographer’s number,” Yifan says to ease his fiancé. “It’d be best if we speak to them directly, won’t it?”

 

Yixing nods, while fiddling with strands of brown hair between his fingers. Yifan laughs a little, ruffling the golden brown locks under his hand as he dials the number. It rings in the same manner as the last phone call before there is a response. The voice is completely smooth over the phone and Yifan feels a tug at his heart strings before he speaks back into the receiver.

 

“Hello, I’m looking for Kim Minseok’s—yes?”

 

There’s some clattering in the background and some shuffling before an instant decline comes. It’s not a wrong number, just an excuse of inconvenience of time and location. Before Yifan even manages to slip in another words, the line cuts off and he is left with his mouth agape. Yixing tilts his head with puppy like eyes and Yifan forces a smile onto his cheeks.

 

“I was asked to call back later,” Yifan says softly. “Apparently, he was a little occupied.”

 

Yixing nods and they settle it at that, for now.

 

* * *

A scoff comes Kyungsoo’s way before his hair is ruffled, “Focus on your high notes instead. You tremble too much and then you cut them short too soon.”

 

Kyungsoo knows all of this because Jongdae says it often enough. He adds a playful wink onto the statement and it’s supposed to make Kyungsoo feel better but a lot of the time it doesn’t. Sometimes, Kyungsoo’s train of thought goes elsewhere and he wishes, that Jongdae would stop projecting, but he knows that he has those flaws so he cannot really voice a full complaint. Jongdae means well—or as well as the devil can mean and Kyungsoo appreciates it to a degree.

 

“Show me,” Kyungsoo requests gently.

 

He knows that he doesn’t have to have Jongdae show him anything. There are many others, who can do it, but Kyungsoo likes to torment his mentor—or rather, he just wants to hear Jongdae. He was supposed to have debuted after Jongdae, but for some reason, after his return from Canada, Jongdae had refused the offer. So now he is stuck as Kyungsoo’s mentor.

 

After joining the small company Kyungsoo had accidently stumbled upon a short mash up that Jongdae had recorded. It was intended to be a teaser for Jongdae’s debut but now it’s hidden somewhere in the director’s cupboard as a secret guilty pleasure record. It’s nothing that the company will ever release, because Jongdae doesn’t want a second try. He says that he’s fine with being a mentor and Kyungsoo agrees to an extent because torturing others seems to be Jongdae’s specialty.

 

“No.” Jongdae says, swiping the phone that rings with perfect timing. He presses the phone to his ear and doesn’t even check for the caller ID. “I have a call to take.”

 

Kyungsoo shoots him this death glare but it doesn’t work. Jongdae’s doesn’t take shit from anyone, not even Kyungsoo and the artist has moments where he is grateful for it and moments where he is completely annoyed about it. Jongdae has instructions to occasionally treat Kyungsoo like a child but he has refused right from the start and that’s the part that he appreciates. Jongdae exits and shortly after, Chanyeol enters, grinning at Kyungsoo as he does to all of the others at the small company. Chanyeol carries the guitar forward and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s in for a treat but that’s all unknown for now.

 

From what he had heard around the company floors, Chanyeol and Jongdae were supposed to debut together. The two of them, as Kyungsoo had heard, had come back to Korea from Canada for an audition and had passed with flying colours. There were plans for them to be an acoustic duo because Jongdae’s voice suits that type of music and furthermore, that was the kind of music that he had wanted to do. However, when Jongdae had turned the offer down, Chanyeol had done the same. Kyungsoo doesn’t get it at all.

 

“Where’s Jongdae?”

 

“He went off to avoid me,” Kyungsoo pouts, “He was complaining about my high notes but refuses to teach me.”

 

Chanyeol cracks a laugh and ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair teasingly. “He’ll come around.”

 

That’s not a new statement. In fact, it’s something everyone in the company has said to Kyungsoo continuously for the past three years but he no longer holds any hope of it happening. However, Jongdae does, come back around the corner literally and beams when he sees Chanyeol making himself comfortable. Kyungsoo can practically hear all of Jongdae’s thoughts clearly as the man seats himself in the corner of the practice room.

 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and shakes his head but joins Chanyeol in the other corner of the room. This hour is dedicated to harmonising and today, Chanyeol is the one that’s helping with a guitar session. The guitarist spreads some sheets across the sheet stand and allows Kyungsoo some time to read through it.

 

“Whenever you’re ready,” Chanyeol says with a grin.

 

Kyungsoo scans the sheets one more time before he turns to give Chanyeol a nod. Jongdae muses and crosses his legs on the chair as he watches them carefully. Although he refuses to make music his professional career, Jongdae will always tune into it. Chanyeol is the one that’s a little harder to read. All Kyungsoo knows, is that Chanyeol doesn’t care too much about whether or not he improves. Teaching is not the reason that Chanyeol is here and certainly not the reason that he’s smiling as he pulls on the strings.

 

* * *

“Can you stop?” Jongdae barks into the receiver, “I’ve already said—”

 

Jongdae sighs and moves away from Kyungsoo’s practice room and is tempted, during the walk to just hang up and end it all, but he cannot do so. The number that he is currently using has numerous important contacts in them. It is not a problem for him to change his number but it will be a problem for him to obnoxiously ask that of those who are more important than him. Besides that, Jongdae isn’t about to such a request ruin his life.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Jongdae is certain that the client that he doesn’t want has just shot his mouth off about something but he hasn’t heard a single bit of it. The man on the line draws a deep breath and repeats everything with a patience that Jongdae thinks isn’t even possible. However, he hears the man out and then declines again, politely. Jongdae has thought up a number of excuses and they’re all pretty much valid and real, but the man isn’t letting it go.

 

“A stalker?” Kyungsoo questions with his head sticking out of the practice room.

 

“No,” Jongdae shouts at Kyungsoo and the phone before hanging up.

 

The mentor throws a bottle of water in Kyungsoo’s direction and runs his fingers through dark raven locks with a scowl on his face. It’s actually the first time ever, since they’ve met, that Jongdae has ever appeared so frustrated. The raven has his moments, but Kyungsoo is certain that most of the time, Jongdae is playfully devious and never too serious in his complaints. There’s always a smile or a smirk accompanying his banter to reassure Kyungsoo that it’s nothing too serious.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Jongdae shakes his head while rubbing at his neck out of habit and then heaves a long sigh. He doesn’t know if he is, but ends up assuring Kyungsoo that he is anyway. Even if Jongdae isn’t okay most of the time, there is no point in tell others the fact. There is nothing that they can do for him and there is nothing that Jongdae hopes for, from them.

 

“Anyway,” he adds on with a renewed expression. “Do you have plans for your break this year?”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head because he never has plans like Jongdae does. It’s likely that he will go home to spend some time with his family exclusively, but that’s never set in stone. Kyungsoo can go wherever he likes and that’s what he should do. It’s something that Jongdae has drilled into him ever since they’ve worked together but Kyungsoo has yet to heed the advice.

 

“Plan something extravagant and fun,” Jongdae instructs. “You’ll be busy with the comeback after your break and then you’ll regret having wasted it.”

 

* * *

Yifan has lost count of the number of calls he’s made. He is rejected every time but the loss of count makes it difficult for frustration to settle. He can’t even be angry because that’s just setting himself up for failure. Besides, at present, he is more concerned with pleasing Yixing. So with the thought in mind, Yifan dials the number again and hopes that the photographer will kindly, pick up the phone.

 

When the line finally connects, Yifan lets go of the breath that he’s been holding and introduces himself again. He can hear the exhausted sigh on the line and wishes that he can say that they can avoid all that if only the photographer will agree but holds his tongue. Yifan explains the situation once more and before letting the man decline, he adds something else onto the offer that he hadn’t been able to do clearly before.

 

“We’ll cover your flight and your stay.” Yifan offers, in hopes of getting through to the photographer.

 

There is another pause and a small apology before the sound is blocked out. Yifan can hear some muffling and he supposes that the man is a very busy person. Well, that’s what he’s been told for the pass few calls but he holds hope that they can work something out. After all, he is offering the best that he can. Another apology comes when the photographer returns to the line and asks some short questions.

 

“Please,” Yifan reiterates. “This is really important and we would really appreciate it.”

 

Another long and heavy sigh skips across the line before the photographer finally gives in. He gives Yifan some details and the man scribbles it all down in handwriting that only he is able to read. In return, Yifan gives the man the details of the request again and they agree on a time and meeting place in Canada for the next week.

 

“Thank you,” Yifan says sincerely because now, they can finally relax.

 

Once he is certain that the line has cut off completely, Yifan drapes himself across the table with a long and heavy sigh full of relief. Then, someone comes along and tugs at his hair playfully, dragging him back to a life that he currently wants a break from. Weddings are surprisingly exhausting—he doesn’t know how Minseok and Luhan handled theirs and survived to live happily ever after.

 

There’s an amused laugh ringing in the air. “What’s this?”

 

“Shut up, Byun Baek.” Yifan retorts and swats Baekhyun’s hand away.

 

“Watch the way you talk to me,” Baekhyun replies, seating himself. “Or you’ll regret it on wedding day.”

 

Yifan cringes a little and withers on the inside. Baekhyun will be the makeup artist for the wedding so it is probably wiser to stay on his good side until the wedding is over at least. Puffing his cheeks up with a pout, he decides to shares the good news to lift his own mood.

 

“I finally managed to secure the photographer.”

 

Baekhyun hums and claps his hands happily in approval. The makeup artist thinks that that is one of the better pieces of news that he will be receiving today. He’s also glad that Yifan had finally gotten through to the thick headed photographer. Baekhyun makes an order and then probes Yifan a little until the blonde gives in and allows Baekhyun the honour of delivering the good news to Yixing. Yifan decides that he can do with a little less talking today, seeing as he had wasted a lot of breath trying to convince the photographer. When Yixing arrives, he can discuss things with Baekhyun and Yifan will listen as intently as possible.

 

“Oh,” Baekhyun remarks just before Yixing steps through the door. “Better get your roots touched up. Drop by the salon sometime.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Yifan mumbles into the rim of his cup.

 

* * *

Yifan and Yixing are sitting at the café together and conversing quietly. They’re waiting and their order is waiting too, to be polite to the photographer. Then there’s the bell going off at the door and they both look up in anticipation. There’s a man, thin and fragile, probably smaller than both Yixing and Yifan, standing there with his sunglasses still on. Yixing waits a while but Yifan doesn’t tear his gaze away and that’s exactly when the worry and the panic kicks in.

 

“Are you checking him out?” Yixing teases, as playfully as possible, despite the irritating twist in his chest.

 

“No.” Yifan jerks his head around immediately. “No, I’m not.”

 

The man they’re watching for entertainment has dark tousled bed hair sitting on top of his head. He lets out a lazy yawn and they aren’t certain where his eyes are. Eventually, he removes the glasses that sits on his nose and keeps it between his fingers while looking around. When he finally sets his eyes on them—or at least Yixing thinks it’s on them—Yixing feels like the gaze is piercing but there’s nowhere to run or hide. Yifan practically stops breathing as his mouth falls open against his will. The man, dressed sloppily, grabs his luggage and shifts the bag on his shoulder as he makes his way over. Scribbled onto one of the luggage tags is ‘Kim Jongdae’ in Korean letters, but they don’t notice that.

 

“Mr. Li?” Jongdae extends his hand towards Yifan alone and leaves the luggage behind. Yifan and Yixing stare at him in utter awe and their reactions make him reconsider his speech. “Uh… have I the wrong—”

 

“Mr. Chen? The photographer?” The brunet tries with a dimpled smile.

 

Yifan chokes on air and the syllables don’t come out right. “Jo—”

 

“Please just call me Chen.” Jongdae hums with an apology when he finally notices the brunet sitting next to the blonde. “Are you not—ah, my apologies. Mr. Wu and Mr. Zhang, correct?”

 

Jongdae corrects himself with a smile but is internally reprimanding himself for his mistake. He had spent a lot of the plane ride trying to commit the new information to memory but it had not stuck. Yixing nods and those dimples are so beautiful and contagious Jongdae cannot help but smile along. They finally exchange firm handshakes and Yixing invites Jongdae to sit down. The raven nods in reply and settles all of his items by his feet. He rubs his neck a little out of habit as Yifan waves for a waitress to finally come to their table. To be polite, Jongdae orders something to play with so that they don’t keep asking him if there’s anything he wants to eat or drink.

 

“Just a hot chocolate please,” Jongdae smiles at the waitress and earns one in return.

 

He knows that look reserved for children but he really wants to sleep once he gets to the apartment, so coffee will not do this morning. She beams as she turns to Yifan and Yixing and scribbles down their orders underneath Jongdae’s. Once she has everything jotted down, she re-reads what’s on her notepad to confirm. Yixing nods along to encourage her that she’s got things right as she goes down the list.

 

“Ah, could you please replace the toffee treat with some chocolate coated coffee beans instead?”

 

Yixing and Jongdae speak at the same time and the request is very simple and harmless, but it leaves Yifan sweating cold in his seat. He feels the chills run up and down his spine and fails to notice the waitress leaving with well wishes. It isn’t until Yixing is smiling brightly at him that Yifan snaps out of his own world to muster all the confidence he has left to smile back. When Yixing turns to Jongdae again, his expression is one of amusement because it is nice to share interests.

 

“You don’t like toffee either?”

 

Jongdae hums noncommittally in response as Yixing continues on with the story that is on the tip of his tongue. Yifan is biting on his lips and frowning with deep creases indenting his bright features but Jongdae doesn’t even flinch. Instead, he offers dim smiles and waits patiently for Yixing to finish telling the story. At the same time, their order is brought forward with their replacement treats. The waitress tells them to enjoy with a charming smile and Jongdae picks up his cup and brings it to his lips. Smiling into the rim of the cup, he offers some thought on the story to be polite. Yifan doesn’t like the tone at all.

 

“What a silly child.”

 

“Right?” Yixing beams warmly without picking up on the mockery. “I didn’t even think such a thing was possible.”

 

Yifan bites harder on his lips and wonders how Jongdae manages to sound so smooth even when teasing. There’s a glint in his eyes and a spin on his tone that Yifan recognises which Yixing will never understand. Yifan curses his luck but doesn’t offer too much on the situation. Instead, he watches carefully as Jongdae shuffles through his bag. He wonders what horrible things the photographer has in store for him, but all the raven pulls out are samples of his photography.

 

“This is the type of photography that I do,” Jongdae explains as he sets them across the table. “Please have a look at them carefully before you decide whether or not you actually want me on this project.”

 

Yixing picks up the photographs delicately, slipping his fingers underneath the canvas so that he does not get oil onto the actual content of the photograph. The ones that Jongdae has given him are mainly black and white photographs but they’re all absolutely stunning in their simplicity. As Yixing looks through them, Jongdae begins to speak and Yifan is truly surprised at the level of professionalism that the tone carries.

 

Yifan thinks that he’s got the wrong person for a moment but then Jongdae smiles and then it’s all over. Yifan’s heart jumps in his chest as if doing a warm up exercise before it starts running with both fear and longing. He recognises the lift in cheek bones and the jaw line that is accentuated every time the raven smiles. Nothing has changed, especially the veins that run down his neck when he speaks. The blonde is cursing himself when Jongdae’s voice carries through and offers him a ride back to reality.

 

“Did you want pre-wedding photos?” Jongdae questions, “I forgot to ask on the phone, but seeing as the date is set for a month from now, I can fit it in.”

 

Yixing knits his brows together, puzzled.

 

“Ah, for example, just some shots of you in your daily lives, or on set to showcase your time together,” Jongdae explains. “I suppose it’d be a bit intrusive of your personal lives, but it could be used at the wedding to show your guests who you truly are and why you love each other.”

 

They’re very kind words, so encouraging and supportive that it makes Yifan’s skin crawl. However, he doesn’t have too much time to think—to decipher. Yixing nudges him with another warm smile and they discuss it while Jongdae sips on his hot chocolate. The photographer keeps his gaze fixed on the window, but hears every English word clearly. It’s still a bit odd on his tongue, having been in Korea for the last few years but he isn’t lacking the ability to understand.

 

The raven smiles into the cup and sniffs the sweet scent exuding from it when Yixing and Yifan come to a positive answer. When they bring him back into the conversation, Jongdae has a notepad in hand and a pen. He begins asking some simple questions to get a general idea of what it is that the couple wants and scribbles everything down. Yifan is pleased to leave the talking to Yixing as he drowns his coffee like a parched man. He is a man of few words and in this case, it will be best if he doesn’t say anything unnecessary.

 

“Then, I’d like to have a solo session with you first, Mr. Zhang,” Jongdae suggests and Yifan’s heart stops in his chest. “You run every morning at six to eight, don’t you?”

 

Yixing looks extremely surprised but Jongdae pays it no mind. Yifan tries to catch the photographer’s eyes but Jongdae moves quickly and swiftly, refusing to meet the blonde’s gaze. Instead, Jongdae pulls out a map and a pen and slides it across the table.

 

“Could you please let me know of your route?” Jongdae asks but ends up explaining himself when Yixing looks too stunned to get moving, “My younger brother is a fan of yours, so I happen to know these things.”

 

Yixing allows the words to sink in slowly and then nods along shortly afterwards. Picking up the pen, he twirls the sheet of paper around and maps out the route that he takes every morning. While Yixing has his head lowered, Yifan shoots a glare with his infamous angry brows which Jongdae politely ignores by turning away without words. Once Yixing is done mapping out the route, Jongdae asks for a convenient date and punches it into his planner.

 

While Jongdae and Yixing continue discussing, Yifan leaves his lover behind with the photographer and gets up to go to settle the bill. However, seconds after getting in line, Jongdae has magically joined him. When he looks back at the table, Yixing is looking through the photos that Jongdae has passed out as samples again.

 

“This is your only own chance to reconsider this,” Jongdae murmurs standing close.

 

“How could you?” Yifan hisses back with little heat. The blonde knows that he has no choice at this point. From the corner of his eyes, he can see that Yixing is enamoured with the photographs that Jongdae has presented. “Why didn’t you tell—I didn’t—”

 

Jongdae slips away at the chance and settles the bill for his hot chocolate. When he walks back, he stops for a brief second and whispers softly as his eyes hover to make sure that Yixing is still occupied with the photos, because they have a secret to keep.  “I recognised yours.”

 

* * *

Junmyeon gets the door with droopy eyes. He opens it softly with greetings on his lips but slams it shut promptly, while wondering if there’s something wrong with his vision. He thinks briefly that he should go wash his face and return but waits it out a while longer as instincts scratches at his heart’s door. There’s another knock seconds later he opens it again with eyes less sleepy and a voice drained.

 

“Am I dreaming?” He asks, “You’re here earlier than usual.”

 

Jongdae scoffs and pushes his way through, “What’s it matter, so long as I’m here?”

 

Junmyeon shuffles aside and makes room. As Jongdae shuffles his shoes off, there’s another knock on the door. The raven turns back with a raised brow and Junmyeon returns the expression. Jongdae mouths something but Junmyeon’s already turning back to answer the third set of knocks for this morning.

 

“Good morning,” Junmyeon greets, “How can I…”

 

“Jongdae hyung.”

 

Jongdae pauses for a moment before promptly waving the image away with a request for Junmyeon to slam the door shut. Junmyeon gives Jongdae this look of confusion before he gives their guest a sad smile and attempts to close the door with kind words. However, Junmyeon is slow and kind so their guest manages to get a foot through the gap before the door fully closes and pushes his way in.

 

“Hyung!”

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae sneers evidently with distaste. “I said to take a vacation, not to follow me.”

 

They have a long staring contest in the hallway and Junmyeon just laughs as he closes the door. So long as it’s not a complete stranger, he doesn’t mind the company. Locking the front door securely, he pats Kyungsoo on the back and tells him to take his shoes off before entering. Kyungsoo hums brightly in response and shuffles his shoes off quickly before dragging his luggage inside. Playfully, he knocks into Jongdae and makes himself at home.

 

“I’m Do Kyungsoo,” he introduces himself to Junmyeon with a hand offered. “Jongdae’s my mentor.”

 

“I know,” Junmyeon smiles warmly. “Kim Junmyeon. I’m his older brother. I’ll bet you he didn’t tell you that he had one.”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he turns around to find Jongdae dropping his things off in the corner of the living room. Jongdae, who knows the quizzical expression well, shrugs it off and slips onto the couch and curls up on it. Junmyeon invites Kyungsoo to sit and shuffles towards the kitchen. He puts the kettle on and pours some tea leaves into the pot. While he’s shuffling around in the kitchen, he asks a few questions and Kyungsoo ends up answering them in Jongdae’s stead.

 

“Ah yes,” Kyungsoo adds on mischievously, “Jongdae hyung said that I could stay with him, but I think I should ask for your permission?”

 

Back in the living room, Jongdae throws a cushion at Kyungsoo’s face and pokes his tongue out at the younger. It’s a little childish, but in the presence of his older brother, the raven feels young enough to be deliberately playful. Junmyeon hums as he makes his way out with the pot and cups placed steadily on a tray. He sets everything down neatly and beams at Kyungsoo.

 

“I’d love to have you.” Junmyeon states while pouring.

 

“What about Jongin?” Jongdae questions because he knows that they have no room.

 

“He moved out with Krystal last month.”

 

The raven jerks his head back and stares at his older brother in wonder and surprise. Jongdae hadn’t heard any news of the sort. Although his family lives here in Canada and Jongdae lives in Korea because of his job, they call each other frequently. The updates are almost a weekly thing so it’s a surprise that he hadn’t heard about Jongin’s move. Eventually, his brows arch and Junmyeon grins triumphantly.

 

“He’s independent you see,” Junmyeon hopes to set Jongdae on a path of his own.

 

Jongdae ends up snorting in disbelief, “I’ll bet you they’re living on instant noodles and coming to join you for dinner at least twice a week.”

 

“They do not,” Junmyeon defends.

 

* * *

“You forgot?!” Luhan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose to make the throbbing stop. “Even _I_ remember that Jongdae’s hobby is photography.”

 

Luhan doesn’t have much to offer. He cannot afford to upset Minseok on this matter and Yifan is wrong on all accounts concerning Jongdae _and_ Yixing anyway. Actually, if he isn’t as nice as he is, he will reprimand Yifan himself. There’s so much that’s wrong with the situation that he can’t list it all on a single page.

 

“It slipped my mind,” Yifan groans into the table.

 

“What about his voice then?” Luhan adds on because he remembers it and they have met briefly with surface interactions only.

 

Jongdae has one of the most beautiful voices he’s heard. To be perfectly honest, Luhan is still waiting for the day that Jongdae debuts. He’s heard news and rumours but nothing has yet happened. Yifan is probably the same, but the lack of news had probably left him hanging long enough to become forgetful.

 

Luhan gives him this look, brows raised and cheeks puffed up in a pout but he doesn’t say much. Yifan waves his hand in Luhan’s face, hoping to wipe the image away. The blonde is slightly glad for the silence because Jongdae’s voice is as Luhan thinks it is. It is a magical element of Jongdae and Yifan knows that he really should have noticed.

 

It should have rung brightly in his ears the moment Jongdae had picked up the phone but it didn’t. However, right now, the tone and the sharp ending of the snarky remarks linger with soft echoes on his mind. That’s not all though. Everything about Jongdae is back to haunt him; the slim wrist that looks like it’ll break easily under his grasp; the fragile frame that has allowed Jongdae to slip in and out of Yifan’s life and then there is the face lit dimly with a broken smile that he cannot forget.

 

“Urgh,” Yifan groans, “I’m so screwed.”

 

Luhan makes a face but doesn’t comment on the innuendo like he normally would. “Anyway, I’ll have to let Minseok know about this.”

 

Luhan offers a sigh and a half smile. There are only a few things that they can avoid. If Yifan doesn’t want to upset Yixing, then he only has the choice of upsetting Minseok. The blonde ruffles his hair with a heavy heart but nods along because it’s clear that he has no choices in this matter. All Yifan can do now is brace himself for the lecture that is long overdue.

 

* * *

Junmyeon decides to buy them brunch instead of cooking at home because he always wants Jongdae to go out and get some fresh air. Jongdae shrugs at the suggestion when his brother brings it up, but ends up tagging along because he’ll never deny free food. Besides that, with Kyungsoo tagging along, Jongdae supposes that they can show the little lamb around. The weather outside is nice as well, so Jongdae takes his favourite DSLR camera with him.

 

“By the way,” Kyungsoo says once they are seated comfortably, “You met some people before you went home. Who were they?”

 

Jongdae eyes Kyungsoo carefully and notes that the younger is quiet capable. He had been following all along and Jongdae hadn’t even noticed. Junmyeon tunes into the conversation at this point, curious as to the people that his younger brother had gone to see before himself. Usually, Jongdae comes straight to the apartment and crashes like a missile.

 

“Clients,” Jongdae replies shortly.

 

Kyungsoo arches a brow as his muscles tense. “Why do you have clients if you’re on vacation?”

 

“Photography is a side thing,” Jongdae points out without any intentions of expanding.

 

Kyungsoo just nods and stores the information away. In Korea, Jongdae had shown some interest in photography, but he had never actually seen anything to indicate that Jongdae actually takes it on as a side job. Jongdae takes no days off to go to seminars nor does he visit galleries on any of his free days.

 

Junmyeon however, raises a brow and stares directly at his younger brother. He wants answers, only because he needs to know what it is that Jongdae is dealing with. If he doesn’t have the knowledge, he’ll have no idea to help. Jongdae doesn’t squirm under Junmyeon’s scrutiny but he does grow too uncomfortable to eat. Eventually, the raven sighs and gives in to Junmyeon’s pleading look to be filled in.

 

“It’s a wedding shoot, for the famous pair, Wu Yifan and Zhang Yixing.”

 

The good mood that Junmyeon had been trying to keep up dampens with his scowl. Usually, Junmyeon is bright and kind, but the mention of Yifan always upsets him. Jongdae knows that his older brother hadn’t been able to move on and he doesn’t blame him. The raven doesn’t really understand what it is that his older brother suffers from so he doesn’t even try to get Junmyeon to forgive.

 

“You met him?” Junmyeon questions with a toxic venom that’s terribly rare.

 

Jongdae nods as he kisses his mug. Kyungsoo is paying close attention but holds back his input. Instead, he reads into the atmosphere well and takes out his phone and starts a game to distract himself. The tension at the table is something that he hadn’t thought to be possible. The last few days that he has spent with Junmyeon had told him that Junmyeon is incapable of being really, really angry.

 

Junmyeon sneers indignantly, “Did he ask you to fuck him?”

 

“Been there, done that,” Jongdae replies with a quirk of his lips. Kyungsoo shuffles beside Jongdae, feeling a little uncomfortable but keeps his gaze fixed on the game on his phone. The photographer lifts the camera that has been sitting on his lap and scrutinises through the lens carefully before the shutters close slowly. “Wouldn’t do it again though.”

 

Junmyeon frowns deeply and follows the line of Jongdae’s camera. On the other side, where the window is, he meets with the side profiles of the couple that his little brother has just mentioned. His expression twists into one of distaste and discomfort. Junmyeon has a lot of things to say but he swallows it all down and reaches into his pocket. Uncapping the bottle, he takes out a capsule and passes across the table.

 

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon frowns in his tone, “You’re on the job right now? How do you even know their schedule?”

 

“I’ve always known hyung.” Jongdae replies softly and blinks along with the shutter.

 

The raven with messy bed hair, knows a lot of things that he wishes he didn’t. One of those things is the truth behind the medication that his brother is giving him. Jongdae eyes it but puts his camera down with a sigh. He glances at Kyungsoo who’s finally put down his phone, for brief a moment before popping the capsule open and pouring the contents into his mug. Junmyeon looks horrified and Kyungsoo even more so.

 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to mix medicine with your coffee,” Kyungsoo states.

 

Jongdae laughs. “They’re sugar supplements.”

 

Kyungsoo pauses for a moment and then raises a brow. There are a whole bunch of things that he doesn’t know about Jongdae but he’s certain of the older man’s preference in coffee. There has never been once in all the time that they have worked together that Jongdae has willingly taken coffee with sugar in it.

 

“I thought you didn’t take sugar in your coffee.”

 

“This,” Jongdae singsongs with amusement and Kyungsoo winces when the sweet scent hovers towards his nose, “Is a hot chocolate.”

 

* * *

The sun is barely shining through the closed blinds but in just a few seconds everything in the room is brightly lit alongside Jongdae’s cheery voice. Kyungsoo stirs but refuses to get out of the warmth of the blankets. Instead, he twists to the other side and wraps the blanket around his limbs securely. Forcing his eyes shut, Kyungsoo begins chanting in his mind to summon sleep back to him.

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae pokes the younger awake with his finger.

 

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo whines as he crawls away from the cold touch. “It’s too early.”

 

“If you do me this favour,” Jongdae suggests brightly, “I’ll give you some tips on your high notes.”

 

Kyungsoo is so very tempted, but at the moment, sleep is the better seductress. The younger artist shakes his head into the pillow and refuses with a grin on his lips. Jongdae doesn’t give up and adds a few more things to the deal and it seems that Kyungsoo’s judgement may be wrong. Jongdae can be manipulatively persuasive and even if he knows of Jongdae’s abilities, it is hard to avoid it.

 

Throwing the blankets aside with a pout Kyungsoo jerks his body up and glares at Jongdae through half lidded eyes. “You promised.”

 

Jongdae nods with a warm laugh and helps Kyungsoo out of bed. He ruffles the artist’s hair to a flat finish and makes his way downstairs. Kyungsoo doesn’t trust Jongdae with breakfast but there’s no time apparently, so he just chews on the piece of toast that Jongdae offers him after his morning routine and follows closely behind. When he steps outside, a cold breeze slaps him awake and he notices the bike sitting in wait.

 

“Okay, so we’ll kill two birds with one stone today,” Jongdae says with his gear on shoulder. “You’ll be giving me a ride on that bike and you’ll be serenading the neighbourhood as we go along. Consider it minor vocal training that will lead you towards a bigger picture.”

 

Kyungsoo arches a brow and then realises that Jongdae has no idea what it is that he is talking about. The artist wants to walk right back in, but the photographer has a strong grip and other things to offer. Begrudgingly, he hops onto the bike and waits for Jongdae to get into the seat behind him. From there, Jongdae gives him a map outline and Kyungsoo follows. He also sings because Jongdae pokes him for not doing it.

 

Kyungsoo loses track of what he’s really doing anyway as he concentrates on his singing and following the instructions that Jongdae gives him. Jongdae sits leisurely as he plays with his camera along the way. It isn’t until the sun is fully up that Kyungsoo realises for what purpose he had been dragged along. Somehow, Jongdae has led him back to the path that leads them back to Junmyeon’s apartment and calls for a sudden stop.

 

“You know your way back from here, don’t you?” Jongdae questions with a half hearted smile. “You can head back first, if you’d like.”

 

Kyungsoo refuses and Jongdae just shrugs as he leaves him behind to take care of his photography business. He watches as Jongdae chases a man down towards his door and smiles professionally. Kyungsoo recognises the smile that Jongdae uses when they’re working together and it’s eerily scary if one learns to pick up on the tints of grey in his eyes. The client takes no notice of it though and they exchange few pleasant words before Jongdae is back and demanding a ride home for breakfast.

 

* * *

As agreed, Jongdae joins Yixing for lunch and when he sits down, he is not supposed to be Jongdae but rather, the professional photographer, Chen. The raven doesn’t think that it matters much anyway, because they aren’t that much different. On the surface, it’s just a change of names. Jongdae is waiting for Yixing to relax, but all the brunet does is play with his food.

 

“Are you alright?” Jongdae questions while twirling the cold cup of water in his hands. “You seem distracted.”

 

Yixing lifts his head from the dish and forces his muscles into action. He tries to brush the issue aside but his arms are flailing by his side and his words aren’t meeting each other properly. In the end, he sets his cutlery down and sighs heavily. Jongdae doesn’t offer much for comfort because he doesn’t know how or what to say.

 

“Perhaps we should do this on another day.”

 

Yixing shakes his head with a soft and kind smile on his cheeks. This time, the action is less forced and so his muscles appear less tensed. Jongdae feels relief wash over him at that. His professional morals kick in before anything else and he’s glad that he doesn’t have the client upset. In the end, they settle with continuing for the day and Jongdae sits through lunch, learning things about Yixing that he doesn’t really want to.

 

Yixing is exceptionally friendly and outgoing. He’s open to Jongdae and that’s terrifying because the raven finds himself in a difficult spot, stuck between hating and loving. Yixing is a man of character, colourful words and such vivid dreams and aspirations, Jongdae wants to look up to him and at the same time wants to crush him under his feet. He shuffles through a whole dozen of disturbing thoughts before Yixing’s eyes goes somewhere else and he blurts out something he hadn’t mean to.

 

“Sometimes, he just looks distant, like he’s thinking deeply about something, like he’s somewhere else— _with_ someone else.”

 

Jongdae’s throat clenches and even the water that he sips doesn’t help wash away the clog. There is a flicker of hope there and he knows that he needs to get rid of it immediately so he refocuses on Yixing. The raven doesn’t understand what he has done to be on the receiving end of such worries. Yixing is shocked himself, when he realises that he had just blurted out something too personal to share with just anyone but the words have already been laid out there.

 

“Oh… I’m so sorry,” Yixing gives Jongdae a half smile.

 

Jongdae laughs. “Are you worrying about the scandal with that model? Jessica Jung?”

 

Yixing is amused by the knowledge that Jongdae seems to have about his life and Yifan’s. From what he has learnt about the photographer, the man had been living in Korea, so he had not expected him to be caught up on such news. However, Jongdae surprises him with every piece of information that he presents.

 

“If you are, you don’t have to worry about that,” Jongdae tries. “My brother is dating her sister so I can guarantee you that it’s not true.”

 

“The one that you said is my fan?”

 

The photographer nods in affirmation and Yixing smiles into his cup and then knocks one of his worries away. Jessica Jung is actually a small problem. There is so much more under the surface that he cannot bring himself to say to Jongdae. Telling Jongdae about Yifan’s flaws is like telling Jongdae about his own flaws and there is absolutely no reason for him to share it. Besides, news spreads too fast in his world and it’s best that they avoid problems.

 

However, the media isn’t the main thing on his mind. It is and always will be, Yifan. They have run into a lot of issues over the years and every time they solve it, Yixing is surprised that it is working again. The feeling of security settles in for a few months after every backlash but it never stays for long. Every time that they sit together and Yifan’s eyes and mind goes elsewhere, Yixing can’t help but feel like he’s losing grip. There’s nothing healthy about it, but the brunet doesn’t know how to let go. His best friend, Byun Baekhyun, has always reassured him that they are still here today because they are strong and have passed all the obstacles that life has thrown at them. The makeup artist says, that their perseverance and the fact that they have stuck together, is enough to be worth everything.

 

Jongdae continues, “He went to one of your dance seminars as well.”

 

The raven’s words brighten Yixing’s mood as they move from the restaurant to the dance hall. Jongdae appreciates the move because he can now see Yixing in his element and put less effort into trying to speak. Jongdae takes a tour on his own as Yixing begins the dance class. It is his way of giving the brunet space to relax and mould into himself. When he returns, Yixing is completely relaxed and the smile on his cheeks is natural and real. None of the muscles are forced to work against his will and Jongdae knows that he’s found it.

 

Shuffling into the classroom quietly, the raven settles in one of the corners and sets up his equipment. The lighting in the room is relatively good so Jongdae leaves the flash in his bag. He exchanges one of the lenses out for another and begins his work. It becomes more enjoyable with time because Jongdae also manages to settle his feelings. Being behind the camera always manages to make him happier than he originally is.

 

In between the dancing students, Jongdae manages to move swiftly while steering clear of Yixing’s vision. The photographer captures a lot but is certain that there will be only a few that will be workable in terms of what it is that the couple wants. When Yixing finally dismisses his class, Jongdae snaps a few more openly and earns his attention. The dancer flashes another smile at him and Jongdae is glad to be able to capture that one too. The students wave with bright goodbyes and Yixing returns the gesture warmly.

 

“I didn’t notice you earlier,” Yixing tells him with flushed cheeks.

 

Jongdae laughs. “That’s the point.”

 

The brunet joins in with the laughter as he pats the towel to his face and his neck. There’s a small unguarded smile on Yixing’s features, one that slightly hides the dimple on his cheek and Jongdae notices at that very moment, how someone can fall in love with Yixing.

 

The photographer watches the way that Yixing grins easily with amusement. It’s easy to tell that the brunet has managed to dance all the stress away. Yixing makes a gesture and Jongdae grabs his own bag on his way to the exit. They exchange a few more words on their way back and when Yixing isn’t looking, Jongdae steals a few more shots with adjusted settings to the shutter speed and the focus. The photographer prefers the natural lighting of dusk and hopes that when he goes to edit these, the couple will be just as pleased.

 

“How are you enjoying your stay in Canada?”

 

Jongdae stops for a moment and captures the sky for personal use and then turns to Yixing with a grin as they fall back into the same rhythm. The raven offers the truth about his family situation and Yixing nods along accordingly. Throughout the whole day, these past fifteen minutes are the best. It only time of the day that Yixing feels like he’s actually learning something about Jongdae so he is pleased. However, he fails to notice that Jongdae’s answers are all well guarded and all backed up with a story.

 

“Oh?” Yixing turns suddenly upon realisation. “You didn’t have to walk me all the way back.”

 

“It’s alright,” Jongdae replies but doesn’t tell Yixing that it’s on the way. “I’d like to remind Mr. Wu that he also has a meeting with me.”

 

Yixing chuckles and knocks on the door to their home. As the shuffling comes closer, the dancer kindly invites Jongdae to join them for dinner. It is an offer for friendship that Jongdae knows he’ll never be able to take.

 

“I need to get home,” Jongdae declines, “But thank you for your generous offer.”

 

When the door opens, Yixing links fingers with Yifan immediately and briefs his fiancé on his day. Yixing leans in for a light peck and Yifan tilts his head automatically to meet his fiancé’s lips. Despite being a little stiff and slow in his reaction, the affection and warmth is definitely there. The dancer turns back to Jongdae with a warm smile and excuses himself for a shower. Jongdae forces a smile back with a nod. He doesn’t pay any attention to Yifan, whose lips are parting in spurts and closing again because he doesn’t know what to say. The photographer doesn’t wait around for it and instead, completes the task that he had stopped by for.

 

“Please set your alarm to seven-thirty on Thursday.”

 

“J—”

 

“I’ll see you then,” Jongdae cuts in firmly while hiding his trembling hands behind his back. “Have a lovely evening.”

 

* * *

On Thursday morning, Jongdae is standing in front of the couple’s home with his arms crossed and a deep frown indented on his skin. For his own comfort, the raven photographer had wanted to meet Yifan without his partner’s company. However, Yixing who is back from his run, at eight in the morning joins in frowning as he approaches. His kind words and actions stir turmoil within Jongdae once again and the raven hates himself for it.

 

“I’m so sorry about this,” Yixing says suddenly, making Jongdae jump. “He probably slept in again. Come in.”

 

Jongdae has no excuse today, because he is here for work. He shuffles aside without words and allows Yixing to unlock the door. When they enter, Jongdae follows Yixing’s actions carefully. He takes off his shoes and slips his feet into the slippers that Yixing provides him with. The raven walks very carefully, as if he’s walking in a field of landmines. He is stiff in every step that he takes and he worries that his heart will not be able to take it.

 

They settle in the kitchen.

 

“Coffee?” Yixing laughs as he tries to ease the atmosphere.

 

Jongdae looks around himself and just nods. Yixing pours him a cup and leaves the sugar cubes beside his cup. The brunet excuses himself temporarily to go wash up quickly. He also assures Jongdae that he will wake up Yifan on his way upstairs. Jongdae nods mutely, words clogged up in his throat and takes a sip of the pure, dark, bitter coffee to hide his inability.

 

Setting the cup back down, he opens his bag again and searches for his camera. Making himself as comfortable as he can for the little shoot that he wants to conduct, Jongdae scrutinises his surroundings. They have a lot of photographs around, all framed carefully and placed neatly on shelves and tables. It is clear that they have a loving relationship, with the way that their things are set in pairs. Most of the things in the house are orderly, with a few pieces of paper lying around here and there, but that’s understandable. The two of them are going through a stress period. After all, a wedding is no joking matter.

 

Jongdae is studying everything through the lens of his camera when he hears footsteps storming down. Instinctively, he turns towards the footsteps and stares through the camera. Jongdae realises, with some amusement that the camera acts as a good shield, before he snaps a shot of a Yifan who is still half naked and drowsy with sleep.

 

The amusement continues when Yifan steps into the kitchen without noticing him and opens up the door to refrigerator. He is searching for something but ends up sculling the rest of the milk from the carton. Jongdae catches it all on camera and hides everything about himself behind it when he spots skin marred in sharp red streaks of love.

 

Jongdae is about to announce is presence, when Yifan sits himself down only to roar loudly and back away instantly. He is leaning at the fridge before he knows it and covering his chest with his bare arms. Jongdae finds the sight amusing and has the shutter blinking at a ridiculously fast pace. He doesn’t know if this is for Yixing or for himself, but it doesn’t matter for now. He’ll decide on that later.

 

Yifan shrieks with a sharp voice. “What the hell?”

 

“Relax,” Jongdae heaves a sigh dramatically and Yifan notes the joking tone. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

 

“Please don’t say things like that,” Yifan rubs his temples fiercely but keeps his voice lowered.

 

Yifan parts an eyelid and stares at the amused glint in Jongdae’s eyes and feels the danger oncoming. The photographer will save the situation himself, but definitely not without a bite. “You’re not the only man I’ve slept with, Yifan.”

 

Yifan pauses, mouth dropping agape but the words don’t form. The blonde doesn’t like the way that his words tend to twist with poisonous edges around Jongdae so perhaps, not speaking is the best way to go. Yifan cannot remember the last time he had spoken to Jongdae and hadn’t hurt him in the process. His arms flail around a bit but he settles them back down to guard his body again and Jongdae frowns at him.

 

“What are you, five?” Jongdae replies, putting the camera back down to his knees. “I asked you to set your alarm to seven-thirty. You slept in and your fiancé had to let me in.”

 

Jongdae’s tongue burns as he speaks so he decides that he will not use that word after all. Yifan rubs his temples again in frustration as he excuses himself and dashes upstairs to dress properly. As he comes back down, he yells at Yixing for the missing information and the dancer just laughs back at him heartily. Jongdae takes another few photos when Yifan comes down, to mask the hurt. When he lowers the camera, a perfected smile lingers on his lips.

 

“You have a photo shoot this morning, don’t you?” Jongdae says without looking as he hides the broken capsule in his palms and pours the sugar contents into the coffee. “You don’t mind if I join you, right?”

 

“Yea—” Yifan catches eye of the grains and raises a brow, “Since when do you have your coffee with sugar?”

 

The raven hugs the mug and mumbles into the cup, “Since people are capable of change, Mr. Wu.”

 

* * *

The set that they go to is familiar to Jongdae. It’s one that has a white backdrop they use when they want to edit works. When he’s waiting for Yifan to set up for work, Jongdae checks his pieces. He hears some snickering behind him and turns around but people are shuffling pass him quickly. Turning back to his camera, he checks the system and then turns off his camera to exchange the SD card for another one that’s sitting securely in his pocket.

 

Once he is happy with the settings of his camera, Jongdae moves around swiftly, just as he had done for Yixing. His approach is the same. He’s not looking for the mask that Yifan wears, but instead, the man behind it. He sneaks into Yifan’s change room when the blonde is taking a break and works diligently.

 

Something about the limited space and the way that Jongdae continues to hide behind the camera annoys Yifan. Nothing about Jongdae has really changed. His presence still makes Yifan’s heart flutter and his cheeks heat with a tint of pink. Jongdae’s slight smile still turns all of his rational thoughts into mush and it’s even more irritating, that the photographer has no idea.

 

“Stop, Jongdae!” Yifan murmurs with a groan. “Can’t I take a break?”

 

“ _Chen_ ,” Jongdae corrects as he studies Yifan through the lens of his camera, “Go on your break. I’m not asking you to be anyone.”

 

Yifan looks directly at the lens of the camera and forces Jongdae to a complete halt. They don’t meet eye to eye, but the gaze is meaningful enough. It’s an old look that has often surfaced to mind lately and Yifan had been unable to get rid of the image. However, he stares for too long and the flash snaps at him. After blinking, he catches the way that the corners of Jongdae’s lips fold downwards and the guilt hits him like a brick wall again.

 

“Well, you should take a break too,” the blonde suggests and runs his fingers through his hair. “I don’t—”

 

Jongdae tilts the camera and they finally meet eye to eye. The two of them share a short and silent conversation before Jongdae puts up his front again. The photographer doesn’t want to talk about that and Yifan doesn’t either, but he knows that there are things that he has to put out there.

 

“About Yixing,” Yifan says and eyes the door carefully, watching like a hawk for movements to the door knob. “He… he still doesn’t know what you look like.”

 

“I noticed,” Jongdae replies shortly, blinking with the shutter again and shifting for a better angle.

 

Yifan parts his lips but closes it promptly as he feels his throat drying up. ‘Let’s keep it that way’ is what he wants to say, but knows that it’s too cruel. The photographer is once again, refusing to look at him, so Yifan doesn’t know if it is actually safe to go there. The silence stretches out between them and everything about their relationship floats in the air and slowly, contaminates it. The longer the quiet draws out, the harder it is to breathe.

 

“Please take a break,” Yifan requests slowly with a strained voice. Jongdae doesn’t yield and so Yifan snaps. “Jongdae!”

 

“I take my work seriously, Mr. Li,” Jongdae drops the pretense and the camera, “If you don’t want the service, fire me. I don’t want to see you any more than necessary either.”

 

“ _Mr. Wu_ ,” Yifan corrects in contrast and then he realises that he misses the way that Jongdae calls him by his first name. “Or just Yifan.”

 

Jongdae quirks a brow but before he can say anything, the door slams open abruptly and there is a call for Yifan to go back to work. They give each other silent nods again to end the conversation there. The two of them walk out to the set side by side while keeping their hearts as distant as possible.

 

When Yifan is getting his makeup touched up again, Jongdae is hovering around the background and snapping away. The way that Jongdae moves swiftly in and out reminds him of how small the raven actually is. Additionally, the lines that form on his forehead and the expression that he catches from the side profile, shows him, once again, how serious Jongdae means to be about his work. The seriousness and effort that Jongdae puts into his work still manages to pull at Yifan’s hidden heart strings.

 

“I’m not looking for what you’re looking for,” Jongdae deadpans at the professional photographer whom had snickered and mocked his efforts. Yifan is off somewhere alone and Jongdae realises once again, how much he hates being left alone with the people that the blonde works with. “I’m looking for the man with ink stained on his skin; the Basketball Team Captain within the Sleeping Beauty; the teen who’d lost his molar to a toffee lolly and…”

 

She gives him this look, mouth dropped and Jongdae pauses. He’s glad that that has shut her up because he doesn’t want to say anymore. Of course, she only knows _the model_. Their aims are entirely different and Jongdae would have entertained her, if Yifan’s mouth is not so toxic. She blinks at him like a little lost child for a moment before she cracks into a bright smile. The female photographer beams at him as if they’ve been friends for forever and slings her arm around his shoulder.

 

“What’s this about toffee?” She asks.

 

There’s a story flying around about the famous Wu Yifan and toffee but no one actually knows anything of it. When she presses, Jongdae gives in slowly as his lips curl to replicate the crescent moon. As he speaks, his eyes hover towards Yifan who has just floated back into the room and, before he knows it, he’s looking for the boy who used to hold onto his hand tightly, because he was too scared to walk alone.

 

* * *

They agree to meet for lunch after Yifan’s photography session but Jongdae is left waiting an extra two hours. He fiddles with his camera in the spare time and takes some scenery photographs for his own pleasure on a separate SD card. Jongdae is a little upset because if he had known he’d be left waiting that long, he would have taken the camera that uses negatives and his laptop along. It’s been a long time since he’s developed anything black and white.

 

“You didn’t have to tell them that.” Yifan sighs as he intrudes on Jongdae’s alone time.

 

“I can tell them what I like,” Jongdae replies, “It’s not your story alone. I’m the victim here.”

 

“How so?”

 

Yifan seats himself with furrowed brows that demonstrate both frustration and some level of anger that he cannot take out on the photographer. Instead, he takes a deep breath and then slams a whole box of toffee lollies—gifts from the staff on set—onto the table and watches as amusement break out on Jongdae’s clear and sharp features.

 

The photographer raises a brow and then folds his arm defensively. “Obviously, I was the victim of the toffee and molar that you spat at me.”

 

“You were the one that gave me that toffee in the first place!”

 

Jongdae snorts. “And I had hoped that at age twelve, you would have known to suck on your toffee rather than stick it to your loose tooth and then pull it out in the process.”

 

Yifan blanches and pulls himself away from Jongdae. The amusement on Jongdae’s face brings back too many memories and the story that he tells, triggers a whole bunch of others. The toffee story is one of the most embarrassing ones and he doesn’t want to relive it. As he hides himself behind the menu, he can see Jongdae cracking a broken smile and it’s painfully obvious that he’s reliving that memory and many others.

 

When Jongdae finally breaks and gives into the laughter that’s been scratching at him, Yifan is surprised but follows in suit. It’s hard to break hold habits, especially this one because they’ve followed it for as long as he can remember. Whenever they speak of toffee, Yifan and Jongdae will laugh freely, innocently, just as they had been when they were younger.

 

Lunch flows smoothly after that because Jongdae slips out of his professional persona and Yifan is suddenly at ease to be himself in front of an old friend. The photographer follows Yifan around but as usual, he uses his small frame to disappear in and out of sight. Yifan knows though, that Jongdae will have a lot of photos to work with by the end of the day. It’s not the first time that he’s been Jongdae’s model after all.

 

To be polite, Yifan offers Jongdae a ride home, but he only takes it as far as the blonde’s home. He can walk the rest of the way and Yifan nods in understanding. The model doesn’t want to venture off too far either. Avoiding Junmyeon is one of the things that are on top of his daily to do list.

 

“Thank you,” Jongdae says politely to the driver and waves.

 

The man nods and Yifan follows in his thanks too which surprises his driver, but the driver smiles back pleasantly. Yifan doesn’t even bother justifying his sudden politeness because Jongdae has always been able to draw that reaction out of him. When the car is out of sight, Yifan is left at a standstill. There are things that he still wants to say but finds it difficult to articulate, especially now that he’s standing in front of his home.

 

“Look,” Jongdae interrupts his thoughts suddenly. “Could you please do something about Mr. Zhang?”

 

Yifan arches a brow, not understanding.

 

“He’s stressing out about the Jessica Jung thing,” Jongdae tells him with a heavy sigh. “And that’s probably not all. His insecurities show through in the photographs. If it keeps up, I won’t be able to give him want he wants in terms of service.”

 

The blonde swallows the lump in his throat away and watches Jongdae carefully. He doesn’t manage to hold his gaze for long because Jongdae’s gaze is firm and Yifan’s guilt is still too big. Instead, he raises his hand again and rubs his temple again. Yifan feels the scream building in his throat but he suppresses it with the best of his abilities.

 

“I’ve no intentions to interfere,” the photographer continues and makes his intentions clear; he doesn’t want to be the third person here. “So please assure him of that.”

 

Yifan’s lips tremble a bit but Jongdae doesn’t allow him to say anything.

 

“He told me that sometimes you look into the distance as if you’re not there,” Jongdae adds on simply without any elaboration because this is something that Yifan would know better than anyone else. “If it is my fault, I apologise, but please stop now.”

 

“Jongdae… how can you say all of this so easily?” Yifan questions because he cannot read the expression or the feelings that Jongdae is showing him.

 

The photographer pauses and takes a deep, long breath. It is the first time that Jongdae will be admitting to this. “We’re over, aren’t we?”

 

The blonde stands completely still and allows everything to sink in slowly. There is nothing left for him to say. When he parts his lips again, his throat is still dry. Somehow, he manages to gather the words but he trembles with his syllables.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Jongdae shakes his head and something indecipherable flickers across his eyes. The expression is something that Yifan has never seen before and being unable to read this too, is slightly horrifying, but he trusts Jongdae’s words and his meanings. Jongdae can be snarky and he can be blunt, but if there’s anything that Yifan can hold the photographer to, it’s his ability to be honest.

 

“Let’s keep it a secret between us,” Jongdae whispers gently, with a Cheshire grin and then taps the box of toffee lollies as he turns to head home. “Like our other secrets.”

 

* * *

Jongdae dreams that night, of dusty knees, blurry vision, heated pain and broken hearts. There’s a mixture of pain both physical and emotional and Jongdae cannot separate them. The raven’s mind settles on a whole set of images of people and of things that he knows and things that he doesn’t. Then, there’s the voice of the kind flight attendant that’s calling out to him while her hands trembles as she tries to nudge him awake. When Jongdae dreams like this, he wants to save the poor girl some torment and wake up but he never actually does. Instead, his body jerks in his bed and Jongdae wakes with cold sweat dripping down his spine and from his forehead down the bridge of his nose.

 

Jongdae breathes heavily as he stares at the white ceiling above him until he finally calms. The photographer sits up in his bed eventually and reaches for the cup of water by his bedside and sculls it all down. After that, he slides back under the safety covers of his sheets and tries again to sleep but ends up tossing and turning for minutes on end.

 

When he is finally fed up with the lack of sleepiness kicking in, Jongdae stumbles out of bed and drags his blanket along. He takes slow and quiet steps down the stairs so that he does not wake Kyungsoo or Junmyeon and finds his way towards the unused darkroom. Heaving a deep sigh with disappointment at himself for using the darkroom as his last resort, Jongdae turns the knob and slips inside. He closes the door just as quietly and curls up in the corner where the door is and wraps the blanket around himself twice and allows the familiar humming in the room to lull him to sleep.

 

In the morning, when Junmyeon and Kyungsoo are coming down the stairs, Jongdae is crawling out of the darkroom. Jongdae feels completely refreshed but his hair is dishevelled and he’s so lazy he ends up crawling like a ghost. The morning sun shines brightly but Junmyeon still shrieks out loudly and jumps to cling to the nearest thing. Kyungsoo deadpans and grits his teeth together in annoyance but doesn’t say anything as he proceeds to peel Junmyeon off of his body.

 

“Uh…” Jongdae mumbles. “Why are you guys so loud this morning?”

 

“What the fuck?!” Junmyeon shouts with little composure. “Are you trying to give us a heart attack?”

 

“No,” Jongdae grumbles as he pulls himself from the floor, “Consider yourself lucky Kyungsoo didn’t castrate you for clinging to him.”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head and waltzes off to the kitchen to make breakfast. They have told him to make himself at home and he intends to do exactly that. Junmyeon ignores the clattering in the kitchen and stares at his younger brother intently. Jongdae is paying him no mind and is instead, playfully pulling his blanket across the floor.

 

“You slept there last night?” Junmyeon questions as he closes in and places a hand on Jongdae’s forehead.

 

“I was working,” Jongdae lies. “Don’t go all ‘doctor’ on me.”

 

“I _am_ a doctor,” Junmyeon retorts and caresses the younger one’s cheek. “You shouldn’t have slept in there. It’s cold and now you’re cold.”

 

Jongdae snorts but Junmyeon refuses to tolerate the dismissive behaviour. As Kyungsoo continues to make breakfast in the kitchen, Junmyeon grabs Jongdae’s blanket and drags his brother up stairs into his study room. Jongdae doesn’t want to follow, but he doesn’t want to live with bruises from the angel’s pinches. Junmyeon really is heaven sent, so long as his words of warning are heeded, especially when it comes with health issues.

 

“I still have work to do, you know?”

 

Junmyeon refuses to relent, keeping a firm hand on Jongdae’s arm until he locks the door to the study room. Jongdae’s nose scrunches as he finds himself a seat. His distaste for this particular room shows through, but Junmyeon ignores him. Instead, the doctor takes out the stethoscope from his draws and beings to move closer.

 

“Woah,” Jongdae backs off with his hands wrapped defensively around his body. “Take that thing away from me.”

 

Junmyeon glares half heartedly, because he can’t really be angry for this. “ _Jongdae_.”

 

“ _Hyung_ ,” Jongdae whines with the same stress in his tone. “I’m _not_ sick. You said it yourself. It was a onetime thing. I survived it and I’ll be okay from now on. You really should stop giving me those placebo capsules by the way. I think they’re contributing to my random highs.”

 

Junmyeon remains silent for a moment and then sighs as he puts it away. Jongdae is still curled up in defence and he knows that he can’t force it. Waving his hand dismissively, he sends his little brother down for breakfast and buries his head against his desk. Even if Jongdae says what he does, Junmyeon knows that Jongdae fools himself with the placebo just like how doctors want to fool their patients. Sighing, Junmyeon writes another prescription before joining them.

 

* * *

The three of them meet again at another small and unknown café. On the phone, Jongdae had asked them to order first just in case he is late, but he arrives just as they’re putting their order through. Jongdae drags his gear along with the photographs that he has promised them for the pre-wedding shoot. Yixing is still a bit surprised at the sudden call but Yifan isn’t.

 

“I’ve got it,” Jongdae says as he stands in a line. “A long black please.”

 

The photographer pays for his own drink before settling down. He unzips his bag and pulls out the carefully stored photographs and lays the envelope on the table with a grin. Today, all Jongdae cares about is his work. He had put in a lot of effort to spending time with the people that he didn’t want to and then even more effort into editing it to meet Yixing’s taste, because Yifan cares nought for photography.

 

“That’s quick,” the dancer exclaims shakily. “I’m—wow.”

 

Jongdae curls his lips a little to the right and is saved from commenting when their drinks are brought to the table. He gives the brunet time and picks up the mug and hugs it close to him, blowing air atop the surface of the long black before sipping at it slowly. As he keeps his eyes fixed on the cup there is a longing look in his eyes. However, as his hands lower with the weight and so does his eyes and he catches Yifan’s firm grip on Yixing’s knee.

 

“If you don’t like them,” Jongdae speaks to move the situation along, “I can always do something else with them. I’ve still got the originals.”

 

Yixing shakes his head as his fingers hover over the envelope. He hasn’t looked but knows that everything will be perfectly fine, because Jongdae has been exceptionally genuine in all of their interactions. The brunet is just a little bit anxious because things tend to go wrong at the worst times of his life. His feet trembles against the floor and Yifan takes initiative to sooth him by rubbing his knee.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Yifan assures, “He did a fine job with Luhan and Minseok didn’t he?”

 

The dancer nods with a small smile as he presses his hands to the envelope. When he peaks inside, he sees the care that Jongdae has taken with his work. Every single piece is slipped carefully and neatly into a plastic pocket to ensure extra safety. Taking them out cautiously Yixing scans them briefly before locking his gaze on the photos one after another. They are all so special and stunning in their own way, the brunet is left utterly speechless. He finds himself drawn to every piece but especially the ones in black and white.

 

“Wow…” Yixing utters speechlessly. “Just… wow.”

 

Yifan steals a glance and his mouth drops open to follow his fiancé’s. The photos reiterate everything that they love each other. They cover a range of silly moments, loveable moments and pieces of each other that make up who they are. There is no pretense, no masks and no shields. Everything is raw and real. Jongdae has done a great job and Yifan cannot even deny it—because he has found them, the Yixing which Yifan is in love with and the Yifan that Yixing will continue to be in love with, unconditionally.

 

Yixing barely manages to breath and his words are only just audible, “They’re beautiful.”

 

They are too beautiful. Yifan feels a sharp pain running through him but he bites it back. There are things that he is unable to say, knowing well that the syllables that he strings together for the photographer has often done more damage than repair. At this time period and during such an event, Yifan knows that there’s nothing that he can do. He can only hold his silence and wash away all thoughts about how Jongdae just seems to _know_.

 

Jongdae on the other hand, is glad that they don’t ask how he had managed to capture their moments together. Jongdae doesn’t want to reflect on that because he feels pretty close to being a stalker when he does. The raven doesn’t really want to know things but there are things that he just knows—Yifan and Yixing’s date schedule just so happened to be one of them and for the sake of this project, Jongdae had to put it to use.

 

“I’m glad you like them,” Jongdae replies sincerely as he sips away happily.

 

* * *

Yifan cannot avoid Minseok, however late he may decide to be. He’s got excuses tumbling out of his mouth but Minseok just raises a brow and taps the table as he invites Yifan to sit. The blonde eyes the café carefully and then the seats. Heaving a deep and long sigh, he trudges over with a frown stuck on his features. Minseok is probably doing this on purpose.

 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Yifan rubs his temples after brushing his sleeves dry of the rain while hoping that it will let up by the time that they get up to leave.

 

“I just want to see you suffer,” Minseok replies as he slurps on his drink. “But you don’t look as miserable as I had imagined.”

 

“I’m panicking internally,” Yifan offers as if it’ll work as a consolation.

 

Minseok just remains blank and says nothing more. The silence eats away at Yifan and the stress starts to show on his face and that’s exactly what Minseok is looking for. The setting is an exactly replication of Yifan’s last conversation with Junmyeon so it sets him on edge. He can feel the memories creeping up on him and he doesn’t like it at all. The guilt that he pushes out of mind before he wakes up every morning comes to visit him easily, when he is in such settings.

 

“That’s more like it,” Minseok hums merrily.

 

“This isn’t funny,” Yifan shoots back.

 

“Jongdae called me,” Minseok steers the topic back. “He wanted me to talk to you.”

 

The world seems to spin slowly and Minseok knows, so he waits and gives Yifan some space to compose himself. Minseok waits it out patiently, as Yifan fiddles with his tie and then rubs his temples in frustration. Minseok doesn’t want to be the one doing this either, but Jongdae cannot and Junmyeon is probably not a good choice.

 

“I saw him the other day. He could have told me himself.” Yifan grumbles irritably.

 

“August twenty-second,” Minseok starts without waiting and taps onto the table again, “Jongdae and I were here. Like this.”

 

Yifan finds himself zoning out a little and tuning into the sound of the rain. It’s pouring endlessly, pace picking up as the rain becomes heavy. The blonde model didn’t actually think that he will be revisiting all these memories, but he supposes that without settling it, it’ll always, always come back to haunt him. Nothing has changed, because the number of things that Jongdae still manages to do to him is endless. When Minseok notices the distraction, he snaps his fingers in front of Yifan and brings him back.

 

“Listen, will you?” Minseok reprimands with a glare and Yifan relents because he knows of Minseok’s strengths. “That’s when he decided to give up.”

 

Yifan’s muscles clench up and tighten under his skin. It sounds like a choice without blame but he knows that it’s not true. The blonde heaves a sigh and bites down on his lips to listen because Minseok doesn’t like to be interrupted. He does however avert his eyes to stare elsewhere. Outside the window, there is a pair standing at the crossing, under a clear umbrella.

 

 _Jongdae and I were here. Like this_.

 

Something clicks and he jerks his head back to Minseok who nods. “Sharing this view.”

 

“Oh fuck,” Yifan blurts out and returns his gaze to Minseok’s. “D-did he cry?”

 

Something flickers across Minseok’s eyes and he shakes his head. According to what he had seen, Jongdae hadn’t cried and according to Junmyeon’s little report, the fact remains true. “No.”

 

Yifan’s voice drops. “Oh.”

 

Minseok probes and Yifan realises that he had been serious when he had said he wanted to see the model suffer. “Anyway—he’d been waiting for months. He even took that trip back to Korea for that audition with Chanyeol to give you time.”

 

“You’re saying—”

 

Minseok nods again. Jongdae had known the exact reason why Chanyeol had come up to him one day and bragged all about this audition all the way in Korea. Jongdae is an intelligent person and his intake should not be underestimated. Minseok continues to ramble on a bit before he stresses once again that Jongdae had made his own choice.

 

“He made the right choice,” Minseok ends, “I wouldn’t have stayed to wait for someone who was— _is_ , unable to choose me either.”

 

Yifan frowns deeply at the words that repeat in his mind. Minseok snaps his fingers again with an arched brow and emotions kept in check. Minseok is over being angry because Jongdae is over it. They both know that they cannot cling onto the past for forever.

 

“It’s a good thing for you too,” Minseok reprimands, “Yixing is the one, isn’t he?”

 

For the first time since he’s arrived, Yifan meets Minseok’s eyes with a firm gaze. The blonde knows that he’ll always feel the remorse. The blotches in his life will fade with time but they’ll never go away. Yifan will always feel guilty towards Yixing and Jongdae. However, he also knows that there are things that are much more important than that.

 

Taking a deep breath, he allows his eyes to graze over his surroundings. Outside the window, the droplets are falling endlessly. He spots Jongdae turning from underneath the clear umbrella and his breathing stops temporarily. Next to him is a smaller man, with large, wide eyes and a small frame that he knows will fit perfectly in Jongdae’s embrace. They are laughing about something and the man pushes into Jongdae as they cross. Suddenly, everything feels like it’ll be okay.

 

“Yes,” Yifan finds his smile and replies firmly. “Yes, he is.”

 

* * *

Baekhyun shrieks out loudly when he spots Jongdae but he’s got enough sense left in him to smile brightly as he drags Jongdae away. He tries for polite, but it’s always hard when he knows that Jongdae can be trouble. The raven is dressed politely and perfectly for the wedding. His suit may be a little too big on him but his tie is perfect and the collar is folded neatly. He looks perfectly respectable but Baekhyun is still on guard.

 

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asks but rambles on without waiting for an answer. “If you’re here to cause trouble… please—”

 

Jongdae fixes his tie without words and lifts a camera to Baekhyun’s face. He snaps a shot and the flash zaps some life out of Baekhyun. Jongdae is testing out his settings and Baekhyun is the perfect guinea pig. The sudden flash leaves the makeup artist dazed before his eyes widen in realisation.

 

“Oh my God,” Baekhyun’s mouth drops and he repeats, “Oh my God.”

 

Jongdae takes another for entertainment purposes and he wants another but Baekhyun closes in on him and his face is squashed into the curve of Baekhyun’s neck. The makeup artist squeezes Jongdae tightly and hopes to bring warmth to the body that he feels is cold.

 

“I am so, so sorry,” Baekhyun almost cries into Jongdae’s borrowed suit.

 

Jongdae squirms but doesn’t dare move too rashly in face of the hapkido specialist, “Please don’t flip me.”

 

Baekhyun suddenly feels like a baby in front of Jongdae but Jongdae just stands there, like a doll. The photographer is protecting his camera in his embrace and refusing to raise a hand to pat Baekhyun for comfort. They’re not even close so Jongdae doesn’t really care about feelings. He just wants his camera to be safe from the hapkido specialist. He waits it out for a while before he pulls away from the makeup artist and takes a few steps back for personal space.

 

“I’m Chen,” Jongdae says, offering a hand. “I’m the photographer today. You are…?”

 

Baekhyun raises a brow and intends to raise his voice again but that is when Yixing comes along. The confusion dissipates easily as Yixing stands close. Baekhyun catches a whiff of his best friend’s cologne but he’s sure that it’s not the cologne that is making him dizzy with distaste.

 

“Do you two know each other?”

 

Jongdae is very professional about it. “No, this is our first time meeting.”

 

Baekhyun bites on his lips and finally takes the hand. “Byun Baekhyun. My apologies for tackling you like that all of a sudden. I’d mistaken you for someone else.”

 

“That’s fine,” Jongdae nods politely and tweaks a few things on his machine.

 

He stands for a while, joining in with the exchange before snapping a photo of them and then going on his way. The photographer is off to capture some photos of the location before everyone joins in. Yixing is completely enamoured with the attitude that Jongdae has towards work and Baekhyun can feel his heart cracking in his chest.

 

Everyone else is standing around, looking seemingly loss until Yixing and Yifan come to greet them and encourage them to sit. As a close friend, Baekhyun ends up helping out with ushering people in and helping them to find comfort. It’s a relatively small celebration, despite how well known that the couple are. The presence of the press has been cut back by a lot. It’s a tight knit celebration and Baekhyun supposes that it’s the best way to deal with it.

 

Baekhyun finally finds the people he wants to see when everyone is seated as they should be. Luhan and Minseok come in suits with matching ties and that makes them easily noticeable. The makeup artist smiles as he embraces them warmly. They are friends that Baekhyun knows he’ll come to love as much as Yixing with time.

 

“Have you seen the photographer?” Minseok questions carefully as he is pressed to Baekhyun’s ear.

 

“Chen?” Baekhyun smiles knowingly to ensure Minseok that he’s got it worked out. “He’s taking some scenery photos, I think.”

 

Minseok nods in return and they exchange a few more words before another familiar face comes rushing at them. His voice is loud and booming as he waves frantically at them. He mutters something about almost being late and Luhan just punches him in the arm. Minseok cranes his neck to give the giant a warm greeting.

 

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says with a yawn, “I’m still a bit jetlagged.”

 

“I thought you weren’t going to make it Chanyeol,” Luhan says with a grin.

 

Baekhyun regards the tall giant with a sharp eye and then passes his hand out for a firm shake. He’s only seen Park Chanyeol briefly and has never officially met, but he knows that the giant is Yifan’s best friend. Baekhyun knows that they keep in touch because occasionally, Yixing will listen into the conversation and tell Baekhyun whether or not they bring up Kim Jongdae.

 

“By the way,” Luhan adds on apologetically with a purposefully low voice. “Jongdae is here.”

 

Chanyeol barks with a voice that is louder than Baekhyun’s earlier surprise. “What?”

 

“He’s in charge of photography,” Minseok frowns. “Chen.”

 

The rest is self explanatory and Baekhyun’s just glad that Chanyeol understands the situation. However, understanding doesn’t equate comfort. Chanyeol fidgets with the hem of his shirt but he doesn’t say anything about it. It is clear that he is the one with the most discomfort about the whole situation because it shows in his conduct. However, they have no time for discussions to ease his feelings because the ceremony will begin soon.

 

Pushing them into their seats, Baekhyun makes a quick run to find Yixing and Yifan. As he’s applying the touch ups, Baekhyun realises with a heavy heart that everyone that’s close and everyone that matters knows exactly what’s going on except Yixing. However, he also knows that it is best that way. The two of them send Yifan off first to meet Chanyeol. When Yifan disappears, Baekhyun steps in front of his best friend and plasters on the biggest smile he’s got. However, it falters when Yixing’s does.

 

“W-what’s wrong?” Baekhyun stutters and he hopes with all his might that Yixing hasn’t—

 

“I’m just nervous,” Yixing smiles half heartedly, “I’m worried, you know. About things.”

 

Baekhyun heaves a sigh and squeezes Yixing’s shoulder reassuringly. The makeup artist knows exactly what _things_ Yixing is talking about and nods, but they don’t bring it up in words. Baekhyun is certain that there will be more obstacles to come, but Yixing and Yifan have gone through a lot already. He’s certain that they will be alright. Smiling down at his best friend, Baekhyun offers the only thing that he has left to offer.

 

The makeup artist leans down a bit and presses a chaste kiss to Yixing’s forehead and whispers, “You’ll be alright.”

 

“Chen said that too,” Yixing murmurs with soft, wondering eyes before pausing to take a deep breath. “I guess I will be.”

 

Baekhyun nods along and then offers another firm squeeze. When Yixing looks back up at him again, whatever it is that have plagued his thoughts have disappeared and his eyes are clearer than before. They are no longer glassy with uncertainty. Baekhyun gives a firm pat as he sends Yixing off because that’s the only thing left to do. Baekhyun heaves a sigh of relief to himself and makes his way to where everyone else is.

 

Jongdae disappears for the majority of the ceremony and only returns into Baekhyun’s line of sight when they’re nearing the end of it. He staggers around the place, trying for the perfect angle and all the makeup artist can do is commend his efforts. Jongdae never takes his gaze away from the couple, but he only dares to look at them through the lens of the camera. Baekhyun thinks that he sees Jongdae flinch when the wedding conductor asks for any protests, but the shutters keep on closing off, just like how Jongdae is closing himself off. It isn’t until the couple exits, that Jongdae lowers the shield and follows Baekhyun out with a smile.

 

“Thanks,” Jongdae mumbles and Baekhyun can only wonder for what.

 

* * *

It is a relatively small wedding so there is nowhere to hide. Chanyeol is extra tall so that makes the task even more difficult. However, he is surrounded by the people that he is comfortable with so that helps to distract him from his thoughts. Yifan and Yixing are walking around to greet everyone that came but the people who know are still careful when they speak.

 

“Are you staying long?” Minseok questions, “We should go have lunch or something.”

 

“Ah…” Chanyeol forces a smile, “I’ve actually got a flight in the afternoon tomorrow. I left kind of abruptly and I’m required to go back.”

 

Minseok speaks a little more before Luhan shoves him playfully. Chanyeol fills their circle with hearty laughs. However, Luhan pouts at everything negative that Chanyeol says and proceeds to changes the subject to satisfy his curiosity.

 

“By the way… are you two going to debut?”

 

Luhan is very curious about the whole audition thing, Chanyeol knows, because this isn’t the first time that he’s asked. Luhan says that he wants to use their experience as reference material for his writing, but neither Jongdae nor Chanyeol have ever offered the information. Every time that they bring it up, Chanyeol flinches and the temporary shock, allows the guilt to crawl up his spine.

 

Jongdae and Chanyeol hadn’t been particularly close until they both moved back to Korea. They had meet through Yifan when they entered collage and they only got along because of a shared interest in music. Chanyeol had probably reflected Jongdae’s his love for music and that had drawn them closer. Whenever they spoke of music, there was a flicker of anticipation and exhilaration that had eventually acted as an excuse for Chanyeol to get away with the things that he did. However, it wasn’t just Chaneyol that noticed it. Yifan did too. They had both used it to their advantage and to mask their guilt. The most prominent memory of it is the audition, when Chanyeol had wronged Jongdae for Yifan’s sake. It is one of the events he wants to steer clear of for as long as he can.

 

“No,” Chanyeol says softly. “I don’t think we will.”

 

Luhan pouts with his lips pushed out but Minseok elbows him when he sees the couple coming. They manoeuvre the topic elsewhere quickly to include the couple into their conversation. Yifan and Yixing stay for a little while before they’re off again. When Luhan turns back to him with a pleading pout, Chanyeol pats his head, but refuses to give any input into the situation about Jongdae’s musical career.

 

As the night drags on, Yifan and Yixing return slightly tipsy but still standing straight and still managing to say the right things to their guests. Chanyeol is impressed and so are the rest of the guests who falls into the circle of close friends. Everyone is in a cheery mood after a few drinks but Chanyeol’s eyes are the only ones darting around the reception hall to find Jongdae.

 

However, the photographer is as sly as a fox, slipping in and out of crowds and disappearing seconds after coming into Chanyeol’s line of sight. When he wants to really see the raven though, Chanyeol knows to look for Minseok and Luhan. The photographer had once let it slip his mouth that he enjoys taking photos of those two because they’re completely genuine and so sweet that their photos always turn out to be the best.

 

“I think I need to get Luhan home,” Minseok sighs as he passes by Chanyeol. “Do you have any idea where he is?”

 

Chanyeol laughs and points into the corner, “Is he crying again?”

 

“Maybe,” Minseok’s features twists into knots of worry. “Now I need to find Yifan and Yixing.”

 

Minseok returns minutes later with Luhan on his back. Yifan and Yixing follow with giggles and they see the two of them off with warm and thankful smiles. It is getting relatively late so they don’t really mind. Eventually, everyone files out in order and Chanyeol is left to study the messy reception hall. He’s certain that Jongdae has some shots of the hall when it was still set up nicely, but it’ll be a long while before they actually see the photos.

 

“Congratulations,” Chanyeol repeats with a booming voice. “I’m happy for you guys.”

 

“Thank you,” Yifan smiles and pats Chanyeol’s back. “Thank you. You’ve been a great friend throughout the years.”

 

Chanyeol snorts. “Of course, that’s why I’m your best friend.”

 

They laugh heartily and then they allow Yixing to finally heave a sigh of relief. Now that everything is over, he finally feels the tension leaving his limbs. Suddenly it’s easier to breathe and all the worries seem to be minute. Chanyeol laughs and reaches over to give the brunet a warm hug.

 

“I’m sorry that I can’t stay long,” Chanyeol apologises.

 

“We understand,” Yixing replies with a dimpled smile, “Work is important too. I’m glad that you joined us today.”

 

“Don’t make me out to be a saint.” Chanyeol laughs, “You guys aren’t the only reason I’m here.”

 

Yifan’s eyes search for something in Chanyeol’s and they have this mutual understand when a blush finds its way up to Chanyeol’s cheek. They both know that someone needs to get Jongdae out of here and Chanyeol is the only one at the moment with the ability. Yixing however, only feels curiosity. He peers into Chanyeol’s eyes carefully and scrutinises for an answer.

 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Chanyeol staggers backwards.

 

The dancer cups his grin with a sly grin, “Hm… there’s something going on here…”

 

“Shut up!” Chanyeol almost stutters.

 

Yifan laughs on cue. “He’s here for Chen.”

 

Yixing’s eyes widen significantly before he breaks into a wide grin that he cannot control. He doesn’t even wonder how they know each other. The surprise is so pleasant, nothing else matters. Breaking the grin, Yixing bursts into a fit of giggles like a child as he waves for Chanyeol to come closer. The guitarist shoots a cautious glare which Yixing swats away with another wave and urges Chanyeol to come closer.

 

“I think he went into the dress room to get his things,” Yixing adds a wink for good measure.

 

Chanyeol turns from pink to red but dashes off without hearing Yifan’s whispered thanks. He can however, hear Yixing giggling happily in the background but he ignores all of that when he knocks on the door to the dress room. There is a moment of silence and he can hear some shuffling before Jongdae’s muffled voice breaks through the wood.

 

“Come in.”

 

Chanyeol knows that it is strained so he steps in quietly and closes the door. He spots Jongdae in a suit and the image is lethally breathtaking. Jongdae had purposely donned a suit so that he can get away easily and so that he doesn’t stand out from the small crowd. However, because his mind is set on that purpose alone, he doesn’t even know how beautiful he is.

 

“It’s just you?”

 

“Who were you expecting?” Chanyeol doesn’t know why he had said it, but the guilt bites at him immediately. “No—I’m sorry! Please don’t answer that.”

 

The photographer definitely has a snarky remark on the tip of his tongue and Chanyeol knows that it has the ability to break him. He expects it to come because Jongdae knows more than he lets on, but instead, Jongdae sighs and Chanyeol realises, Jongdae doesn’t have the energy anymore. That this is the first time that the raven has cried over Yifan and there is no doubt in Chanyeol’s mind that it is an exhausting process. Jongdae’s eyes are slightly red and his cheeks a little puffy but it is not too noticeable.

 

“I am so sorry,” Chanyeol exclaims as he strides across and loops his arms around Jongdae. “I am so sorry.”

 

The photographer’s breath hitches and the tears are coming again. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, even as Jongdae’s breathing becomes laboured. Junmyeon has informed him of everything that he needs to know. Jongdae is not having a heart attack. It’s not as literal as that. The physical attacks are over, the physical reactions are over as well and today, days and years of holding it in, he finally has the emotional one. Chanyeol continues to rub soothing circles and hopes that it is what Jongdae _needs_. There’s a whole bunch of things that he wants to do, but he is not sure that he can.

 

“It should be alright if you’re not ready to go back,” Chanyeol coos. “Everyone’s left.”

 

Jongdae pulls back a little and gives him this look—this laugh and everything dissipates. It’s the same ironic one from years ago and Chanyeol bends a little further into the embrace, rubbing Jongdae’s back to sooth any sort of pain because he has no words that can truly heal. However, he also knows that there’s only an extent to which he can comfort with this gentle rubbing.

 

“Do you need your meds?” Chanyeol whispers.

 

Jongdae laughs again and the sounds come out in forceful spurts. “They’re placebo, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t like the sound of that, but he doesn’t know what to say about it. He’s seen the photographer take his medicine before and that doesn’t follow with what Jongdae is currently saying. From his limited knowledge, he knows that placebos are just sugar filled capsules made to fool the patient into positive thinking. If Jongdae knows that, how does it work?

 

They stay like that for minutes without budging. Chanyeol doesn’t push anything and Jongdae doesn’t pull away, so he supposes that it’s good enough for now. It becomes better when Jongdae’s tears stop overflowing and Chanyeol’s blazer slowly dries, but he doesn’t move too far off. Chanyeol allows Jongdae to hold all the power in this.

 

“I wish I could hear your guitar right now…” Jongdae whispers suddenly.

 

“Well, I didn’t bring it with me,” Chanyeol chuckles heartily as he continues to rub circles onto Jongdae’s back. “I’ll play it for you when we go back home, but only if you promise to sing along.”

 

Jongdae’s breath stops brushing against Chanyeol’s skin for a moment before it comes back, “Okay.”

 

* * *

When Yifan spots Jongdae coming out while rubbing his neck, an old memory hits him like a brick wall—hard and cold. The words echo so loudly and there Jongdae is, with dusty knees and a smile that Yifan breaks without hesitation. He remembers that look more vividly than anything else during their time. Jongdae is pale with trembling lips and limbs losing their strength. He can see the replication in the way that Jongdae rubs at his neck, the frustration running through his fingertips and the creases that form on his forehead. But of course, Chanyeol is next to him, cooing gently—something that Yifan had been unable to do.

 

Yixing makes his way over slowly so that he doesn’t interrupt Chanyeol’s conversation with the photographer. The smile on his face hasn’t disappeared and he’s even happier than before. Everything has finally settled and the worry can be hidden again, for another lengthy period of time. Whatever happens after that, Jongdae will not be able to help. Yixing will have to stand on his own now.

 

Jongdae can read the relief and relaxation in Yixing and suddenly, he feels some of it in himself as well. “Congratulations. I’m sorry for my late well wishes.”

 

Yixing laughs at him, “Please don’t say that. You’ve worked hard all day.”

 

Jongdae doesn’t say anything to that because it’s definitely true and he has no intentions of denying his own hard work. Yixing says something else and the three of them listen carefully. Chanyeol isn’t surprised that Yifan stays out of the conversation. His best friend had always been a man of few words, especially in situations like these.

 

“Would you like to take some cake home?”

 

“Ah…” Jongdae is about to decline when Yixing’s frown catches him. The raven bites his lips together and forces himself to think of Kyungsoo and Junmyeon to help him agree. “I’d love to. Thank you.”

 

Yixing beams brightly in great mood and disappears briefly. There is a thick silence between the three and they know better than to force conversation. Jongdae just continues to adjust the strap on his shoulder repeatedly until Yixing returns with a bag completely ready to go. Yifan draws a little closer to Yixing when Chanyeol gives him the look and wraps his arm firmly around his husband’s waist. It’s not for show, but he still feels slightly uncomfortable about it in front of Jongdae. There’s no guessing what the raven is thinking so being careful is necessary.

 

“Thank you,” Yixing exclaims with some tears in his eyes. He hands the bag over and clasps Jongdae’s hand and shakes it warmly. He is at ease now and Jongdae is someone that he owes his thanks to. “Thank you so much, Chen.”

 

“Just doing my job,” Jongdae murmurs back, as himself and not the professional.

 

Chanyeol sighs, knowing full well that ‘you’re welcome’ would have been just fine. Yifan is still, unable to say a word.

 

* * *

They go for drinks after that because Chanyeol _knows_ Jongdae. There’s no way he’ll get through the night without some alcohol in his system to wash away all of the things that stains him. Yixing had thanked him, sincerely, without heat and Yifan hadn’t managed to say a word. Chanyeol knows that Yifan owes Jongdae all these words, but it’s not something that comes easily, especially when Jongdae is not one to demand it.

 

Jongdae ends up hauling Chanyeol back to his small motel room, because he thinks that the giant is the drunken one. Despite being a little more than tipsy, his camera bag is still safetly beside him. After kicking the door opening and shoving Chanyeol inside, Jongdae sets his bag down in a corner and turns to close the door. He wants to find some water before he leaves, but his limbs are tangled with Chanyeol’s before he even makes it to the small kitchen area.

 

“Jongdae… sit down.” Chanyeol’s voice slurs in his ears and it’s definitely because Jongdae is lightheaded. Chanyeol hasn’t had a single drink all night. “I’ll get you that cup of water. I don’t want you breaking shit—I can’t afford to pay for it.”

 

Jongdae laughs and Chanyeol thinks that he will cry again but he doesn’t. Instead he sculls the water that Chanyeol brings and then sets the cup down carefully before he prances around the room. It’s definitely a sight and Chanyeol cannot help but laugh. When he is caught though, Jongdae knits his brows together and stares at him with a pout.

 

“What’s funny?”

 

“You are so drunk,” the guitarist replies even though he knows that Jongdae is not completely there yet. “I think we need to get you into bed.”

 

“Are you inviting me to bed?” Jongdae gives him a sloppy wink and a grin that is suggestive in all sorts of ways.

 

Chanyeol wants to indulge in it but he ends up snorting. “Don’t tempt—”

 

Chanyeol’s words are cut short when Jongdae presses his lips full on his. It’s starts off with some playful kisses because they’re friends and it’s _kind_ of normal. As it is with Jongdae, it always turns into something more. Jongdae always parts his lips to allow Chanyeol to dip his tongue in to taste him. The heat drives him insane and Chanyeol can’t help it, not when Jongdae is needy and open with him. He has always wanted Jongdae and their kisses are always so deep and so sweetly intoxicating, it’s hard to let go. They have done it before and it’s never enough. It doesn’t help when Jongdae rakes his fingers across Chanyeol’s back and _begs_ him for it. Every time, it is under Jongdae’s ministrations because Chanyeol doesn’t have the heart until—

 

“Fuck me.”

 

Chanyeol screws his eyes shuts tightly, willing the mirage away but it doesn’t go as he commands it to. Jongdae is gripping his shoulders tightly and panting right next to his ear. He repeats the request with Chanyeol’s name slipping out of his lips like an angel’s prayer. His breath is short but voice, is so damn beautiful, Chanyeol has a hard time saying no. So Chanyeol, very politely, fucks Jongdae into the wall of the old and run down motel room.

 

* * *

When noon rolls around, Jongdae wakes up completely naked, in what was Chanyeol’s bed. There’s a note on the nightstand and it’s exactly what Jongdae thinks it is. Scrunching it up and tossing it aside, Jongdae staggers off the bed and goes in search of his clothing. He wishes, briefly, that he had gone home, but Chanyeol had been good—so damn good. The sensations still lingers playfully on his skin. Forcing himself back into his normal mindset, he bites onto his lips and shuffles into the bathroom. He’ll need to shower before he sets foot into Junmyeon’s apartment.

 

For all of his luck, Jongdae’s having a pretty bad afternoon. On his way back to his apartment, he runs into Yixing and Yifan. They two of them have a booking at one of their favourite restaurants for dinner. They have left their home a little earlier than usual so that they can walk there. However, Yixing is especially happy to see Jongdae coming down the footpath and makes a stop to greet.

 

Although exhausted, Jongdae puts on the face of Chen and waves politely with a professional smile. He taps the photography bag to ensure them that everything is safe and sound. Yixing beams at Jongdae and they exchange words but Yifan stands there in silence. When the photographer shifts the strap of his camera bag, it drags along parts of his shirt to reveal milky collarbone skin marred by maroon bruises.

 

Yifan is a little shocked, feeling heat pool in his stomach while Yixing continues to smile. Yifan can feel his heart knotting with sparks of jealousy as he stares at the bruises. They stare back, as if to mock him and they are extremely menacing. Suddenly, the heat burns and Yifan isn’t sure what it is that he’s feeling. He hopes to for Jongdae’s sake that it wasn’t Chanyeol last night because the smaller man that he had seen with Jongdae earlier doesn’t deserve that type of treatment. But that’s only an afterthought because there are other more pressing, but terrifyingly horrific things on his mind. Feeling the discomfort seep through his clothing and into his skin, Yifan nudges Yixing a little.

 

“We’ll be late,” he says softly but doesn’t manage to tear his gaze away.

 

“Oh!” Yixing exclaims and knocks into Yifan purposely, “That’s right.”

 

Yixing jerks his head up with a wide, faux grin and meets Jongdae’s gaze with a soft look of apology. Jongdae dismisses it all with a smile of his own and when he bows out of habit. When Yixing’s eyes catch the small bites, his breath hitches and his worries dissipate temporarily. He’s giggling like a teenage girl as Jongdae lifts his head again. They exchange gentle and easy goodbyes and Yixing pats Jongdae’s shoulder softly as they part. Jongdae swears that it’ll be the last as he goes on he brushes by them.

 

* * *

Jongdae finds his way home shortly after the sun sets. He turns the lock with his own set of keys and is grinning like a fool when he hears Jongin’s voice accompanied by Krystal’s. Sometimes, Junmyeon thinks that he can fool Jongdae, but the raven has always known better. However, Jongdae doesn’t care about the lies. He just wants to catch Junmyeon feeding them red handed so that he can feel the gratification of being right.

 

“Hi,” Jongdae says upon entering the kitchen. “Lovely to see you, little bro.” He steers his vision towards Krystal and smiles charmingly at her. “And you. Beautiful as ever.”

 

Jongin beams and gives Jongdae a warm and tight hug while Krystal greets him with a polite bow. Junmyeon laughs awkwardly as he stands up with tinted cheeks. He knows that he’ll hear an earful later, but for now, dinner is important. He pushes Jongdae into the chair and gets up himself. It’s been a while since the three of them have shared a meal with the company of others. Jongdae squirms in his seat but doesn’t move as instructed and Junmyeon brings the homemade Korean meal to him.

 

“Kyungsoo helped out,” Junmyeon says with a smile as he nods in Kyungsoo’s direction. “I’m envious that you eat like this every day in Korea.”

 

“You cook?” Jongdae’s eyes widen in surprise. “This is the first I’ve heard.”

 

Kyungsoo throws Jongdae one of those old looks, but he just laughs it off as he picks up the spoon and digs it into his rice bowl. Junmyeon isn’t wrong he realises with cheer and scopes another spoonful of soup into his mouth. Jongdae is thinking of abusing his position as mentor and having Kyungsoo cook more often when he notices the gaze lingering on him. At that moment, he also realises that the chatter at the table has stopped.

 

Jongdae arches a brow. “What?”

 

“Your shirt,” Kyungsoo points out and pulls at his own collar in explanation.

 

Jongdae blinks for a short moment confused and then fixes it as requested, but the words come out of his lips naturally. “It’s just Chanyeol.”

 

Junmyeon frowns evidently as the table runs into further silence. Sometimes, Junmyeon wants to throttle his younger brother for his insensitivity, but he doesn’t have the heart. When he steals a glance at Kyungsoo, who looks just as upset—or even more than he is, he hopes that the young one will speak up because he doesn’t have to worry about awkwardness within the family. However, Kyungsoo doesn’t, for his own reasons. He isn’t family and he has no right to dictate how Jongdae lives his life.

 

“You shouldn’t lead him on,” Junmyeon reprimands quietly shortly after another minute of silence.

 

“I’m doing no such thing,” Jongdae grins that hateful grin as he swirls the cup of water by his side. “Chanyeol knows that I have nothing to offer.”

 

Junmyeon heaves another silent sigh and turns his expression back on his rice bowl. Kyungsoo follows in suit and eats in silence. Krystal tries to lighten the atmosphere but before she can even get the third syllable out of her lips, Jongin has his spoon slammed against the table. Chanyeol has always been a friend of Jongin’s and he often thinks that Chanyeol could have done a lot with his life, if he hadn’t followed Jongdae back to Korea for an audition that he had passed but now makes no use of.

 

The emotions get to the better of Jongin and the words come out venomous and with little thought as he sneers at his brother, “How is that any different from cheating?”

 

He regrets it immediately when Krystal kicks into his feet. Kyungsoo’s hands stops midair and all the bits and pieces that he’s picked up over the month starts to make sense. Junmyeon can feel the air thicken as Jongdae pauses with a flinch and sends his feet squeaking against the floor. Jongdae continues to play with his food before he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He looks at the screen with a puzzled expression for a moment before he shakes his head at it. Before they know it, the battery is out of the case and sinking to the bottom of Jongdae’s soup bowl.

 

“Ah,” Jongdae hums and excuses himself, “Continue dinner without me.”

 

* * *

Jongdae locks himself up in his room for a whole week, living on energy drinks and darkness. He is editing the photos like his life depends on it and allows no one to disturb him. The responsibility of showing Kyungsoo around is handed to Junmyeon, who feels slightly uncomfortable and intimidated by the way that Kyungsoo continues scrutinise him.

 

“Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon calls out softly. “Is there anywhere else that you’d like to go?”

 

Kyungsoo thinks about it carefully and decides that he wants to cook a healthy meal. “Maybe. Just to the supermarket later.”

 

Although Jongdae hadn’t meant to be his host, the mentor had done the job well. Kyungsoo wants to thank the raven with a proper meal. The first meal that Kyungsoo had cooked had gone to waste because of family tension.

 

Junmyeon nods. “Okay.”

 

A little before dinner that night, Jongdae comes down looking like a zombie. He doesn’t greet them as he passes by, hair messy, eyes clouded with something they cannot make out and earphones plugged in. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon make an effort to invite him to have dinner but the raven ignores them. When he brushes by them, they can hear the music blaring.

 

Jongdae finds his way into the kitchen and opens up the fridge. He looks for a moment before he returns to the living room where the two sit with tea cups warming their hands.

 

“Why the fuck isn’t there any V in the fridge?”

 

Jongdae’s voice is at the loudest that Kyungsoo has ever heard it but he doesn’t like it at all. He finds it distasteful and out of tune. It’s definitely the loud music he’s listening to but the artist doesn’t even make an effort to hide his disappointment. It is the angel Junmyeon that tries, even though he knows that it’s pointless. The doctor gestures to the earphones and speaks appropriately.

 

Junmyeon is completely seriously. “Energy drinks aren’t good for you.”

 

“What?!” Jongdae shouts back. “What did you say?”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, takes his tea up to Jongin’s former room and leaves Junmyeon with the devil.

 

* * *

Jongdae spends another three days locked up in the darkroom where his safelights are. This time, he doesn’t leave, not for the medication that Junmyeon insists his takes, not for his dosage of energy drinks and not for food either. He is completely immersed and sometimes, Junmyeon refuses to sleep because he thinks he _hears_ things.

 

One thing that Kyungsoo takes away from the whole thing is the fact that the Kim family is weird.

 

What happens on the inside, no one knows, but occasionally, there are curses yelled profusely. Sometimes, there is some groaning and moaning of despair and this type of response scares Junmyeon the most. The doctor even thinks that he should go and live in a hotel for a few days, but Kyungsoo reminds him that he has kinship and doctor responsibilities.

 

“I hate you,” Junmyeon says into the mug. “I hate you so much.”

 

* * *

When Jongdae finally comes out of the darkroom, he is a complete mess, inside and out. He has everything sorted out neatly in the photo album that he had brought earlier and is relatively proud of himself for finishing in record time. Additionally, he has an envelope of photos developed as the gifts that Yifan and Yixing had wanted for the guests. Kyungsoo is somewhat proud of his mentor for the hard work, but all he can manage is a glare of disgusts as he steers clear of Jongdae. Junmyeon pinches his nose together but tolerates it because they’re family.

 

“Could you take it to them?” Jongdae slurs his words.

 

Junmyeon grabs hold of it. “Could you take a shower?”

 

“No,” Jongdae throws him a half hearted glare and waits for Junmyeon to pale. “I’ll be pampering myself with a bubble bath.”

 

Kyungsoo snorts in the background and tries very hard to stifle his warm laughter. He is glad that Jongdae is finally out of the darkroom but the bubble bath had better be a joke. The snappy attitude is back and Kyungsoo is extremely pleased to have Jongdae back—well, half way back because the photographer really needs that shower.

 

When the banter ceases, Kyungsoo gets to his feet and makes his way into the kitchen. Kyungsoo can finally make that meal for Jongdae. The artist has prepared a portion for Junmyeon as well, but they will not be sharing the last meal together. When Kyungsoo had received the news, he noted that Jongdae is a specialist at running away, but he did not even have the opportunity to pick on Jongdae for it. The both of them are already due back.

 

“Oh,” Jongdae calls back half way up the stairs. “Please tell him to send the rest of the payment to my bank account.”

 

“Alright,” Junmyeon replies as the door closes.

 

* * *

Junmyeon is glad that Yixing is not home. He doesn’t want to see Yifan, but he supposes that Yifan is the better choice out of the two, because he may not be able to hold his tongue and coat his words. There is some shuffling before the door opens and Yifan is dressed casually in sweatpants and a loose tee.

 

“Hello—”

 

“Good afternoon,” Junmyeon greets politely.

 

“W-would you like to come in?” Yifan stutters a little and he hopes desperately that it’s not trouble.

 

Junmyeon shakes his head. “I’m fine.”

 

They stand there for a long while, both reflecting on the last encounter years ago. Yifan feels remorse and Junmyeon doesn’t feel a thing. He’s long lost any kind of feelings he’s held against Yifan and all that’s left is a bad aftertaste in his mouth. Yifan shuffles uncomfortably at his front door because he’s not used to just standing there and especially in Junmyeon’s presence.

 

“What can I do for you?” He asks after gathering his courage.

 

“I brought the photos,” Junmyeon replies after a moment of silence and holds the photo album and the thick envelope out. “He said that you could just send the rest of the payment to his bank account.”

 

“Oh,” Yifan’s lips form the perfect ‘o’ shape as he lowers his gaze to the album. “I’ll do that. Thank you.”

 

The model takes the album and the envelope into his hands carefully and runs his hand along the spine of the photo album with emotions that Junmyeon cannot read. The doctor doesn’t let the thought linger though because today, his aim is not to speak with Yifan. Clearing his throat to gain the attention again, he shoots Yifan a sharp glare to set the man in his place.

 

“Please leave him alone now,” Junmyeon requests sincerely. “That’s the only thing I want to ask of you.”

 

* * *

After delivering the set of photos to the Wu household, Junmyeon returns to his own apartment. When he’s standing at the door, he’s not expecting much to be left, but he heads on in anyway. Out of forced habit, he announces his arrival and isn’t surprise when silence echoes in answer. He smells dinner and when he peeks into the kitchen, there’s some food on the table and a note.

 

Heaving a soft sigh, Junmyeon makes his way down the long hallway to the specially made darkroom and knocks. He hopes that Jongdae hasn’t drowned himself in the special liquid but that’s happened before so he does not even doubt it at this point. Junmyeon opens the door a few moments later without another knock. The first three, had been gentle warnings to move the negatives from the door to avoid being burnt by the natural lights.

 

Junmyeon had obeyed the rules of opening the darkroom door, so whatever happens isn’t his fault. However, when he enters, the safelights aren’t even on and everything is eerily silent. Junmyeon closes the door and flips the switch slowly, allowing the dim lighting to grace the room and his vision to adjust. As it had been the year before, Jongdae is nowhere to be seen but everything else is haphazardly in place to replicate Jongdae’s old, university apartment living room.

 

On one of the working tables, lay two mugs that Jongdae had personally baked to perfection so that the drawings remained embellished on its pearly surface. The mugs are old, stained with coffee residue; chipped and tattered at the rim, but the drawings remain dark and bold in black inking. Junmyeon still cannot figure out how one of the drawing is an abstract rhinoceros or why the chubby dragon as angel wings. Then there’s a reindeer with a birthmark, some heart shaped apples and a snake—a snake with legs.

 

Shaking his head free of the images of snakes with legs, Junmyeon extends his vision a little. On the wall, hangs some old strings and on them, photos clipped to a dry finish. They’re long dry now, too old for him to remember the year. However, even if Jongdae refuses take them with him, it doesn’t mean that it is permission to throw them out. They are very special but they will probably never see the light of day, seeing as Junmyeon has no use for them.

 

In the cupboard nearby that’s been left ajar, are a set of old and faded negative film strips. No one uses these anymore, not even Jongdae himself, but those slightly jaded films are the only thing he has left. They’re negatives that he’ll never develop but has no heart to destroy. Junmyeon heaves a sigh and pushes the cupboard to a close, preserving them for another year. However, on his way out, with intentions of closing the door for another whole year, he notices the newly polished DSLR camera sitting on the desk.

 

Heaving another deep and heavy sigh, he runs his finger across the plastic switch before flipping it and closing the door. Just a brief glance tells him everything. This year, Jongdae leaves his photography behind.

 

_Fin._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own EXO.  
> This story is also posted at asianfanfics under [hailynx](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/524048).
> 
> **Notes on reading:**  
>  This is a short extra that will undo the angst feels of the one-shot. The extent will vary for each reader, so please be cautious about proceeding.

When Jongdae finally manages to exit, he is extremely drowsy and Kyungsoo’s bitch face doesn’t help lighten his mood. The raven had been subjugated to that face during the time that he was awake on the flight. He’s certain that he will be for a long time coming too, so he wants to get away as quickly as he can to secure as much time to himself as possible.

 

However, even before he manages his escape, he runs into Chanyeol, who is, embarrassingly, sitting in the middle of the airport collection site. The giant has gathered Kyungsoo’s and Jongdae’s luggage and settled them on top of each other to make a cushion. The people are staring but that wide smile on his face refuses to go. As soon as he spots Chanyeol, Jongdae turns his heel quickly and knocks violently into Kyungsoo’s stomach.

 

“Sorry, could you grab my luggage?” Jongdae knows when to be polite so that he can better his opportunities at getting what he wants. “I’ll buy breakfast.”

 

Kyungsoo shoots him a death glare for the pain and refuses, “Who has breakfast at five in the afternoon?”

 

Jongdae glances back at Chanyeol and rubs his neck, frustrated. “I’m going to need alcohol to deal with this.”

 

His words don’t match his actions as Jongdae attempts to walk off empty handed. The deflection doesn’t work with Kyungsoo either, who grabs onto his wrist to stop him. Jongdae’s thoughts aren’t on Kyungsoo’s grip though. He is thinking about his items and is fairly sure that there is nothing that he can’t replace. However, before he manages to free his hand, Chanyeol’s voice rings across the hall and everyone turns to the direction that he is waving at leaving Jongdae’s feet stuck.

 

“He’s calling you,” Kyungsoo announces loudly so that everyone in the airport knows exactly who Chanyeol means.

 

Gritting his teeth together, Jongdae shoots a glare towards Kyungsoo and mentally promises himself to do terrible, terrible things to Kyungsoo’s schedule. He turns back, a faux smile on his lips as he storms over and knocks into Chanyeol’s head with his fist. The giant laughs so warmly, Jongdae has no idea whether or not it was a heavy hit.

 

“What the fuck are you doing in the middle of the airport?” Jongdae hisses, “Wait never mind. Whatever it is, I don’t want anything to do with it. Don’t call me.”

 

Chanyeol grabs onto Jongdae’s sleeve with pleading eyes. “You said you wanted to hear my guitar.”

 

“I’ve changed my mind,” Jongdae deadpans and yanks his hand away.

 

Chanyeol kicks his feet and Jongdae raises a brow, mouthing, “What?”

 

“You promised to sing,” Chanyeol hums quietly.

 

Jongdae’s eyes widen and Kyungsoo grins happily in the background, waiting for his treat. Despite all the nasty things that come out of Jongdae’s mouth, Chanyeol’s rarely relented. He has always been one to persuade the photographer with his insistence—eventually. Jongdae is about to scoff, when Chanyeol gives him another light kick and encouraging smile. Somewhere, in there, he thinks he tastes Chanyeol again and then everything seems to dissipate as his body loosens into relaxation. Instead of walking away, Jongdae allows the grin to grace his features as he clears his throat and takes a deep breath to call upon a voice that he hasn’t used for a long, long time now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then there's [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1045601), to ruin your feels even more. /shameless advertising.


End file.
